Pitch White
It was a cold, clear night last night so we got very heavy frost. My daughter came running into the bedroom in the morning and announced that it was "pitch white outside".
Funny things kids say
Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.
You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!
Bob? Dude!
We were leaving the dentist's office and I was trying to get the kids into the car.
"Okay, bub," I said to Samuel (4 years). "Let's get into your carseat."
"I'm not Bob," he replied, serious as could be. "I'm Dude!"
Bathroom entry
*Nic knocks on bathroom door*
Mom: Who is it?
Nic: It's Nic!
Mom: You can't come in right now.
Nic: But I'm your SON!
Icecream cures all
I was babysitting for my 2 1/2 year old nephew the other night. He accidently droped a full unopened soda can onto his toe, commence SOBBING.
After a moment or two of cuddling and consoling him he leads me to the freezer:
Him: Uh! *Points at it*
Me: What do you want?
Him: Ice...*trails off mumbling*
Me: Do you want an ice-pack?
Him: Ice...cweam?
Disobedient mom
We were in the church nursery, and I was trying to distract Adam, who had been grumpy, so I was blowing at his face, which he usually likes. He said, "Stop blowing, Mommy." I did it again, and he shook his finger at me and said, "Mommy, you are disobeying!"
I love you!
My neice Charlotte met me at the door seeming very excited.
Charlotte: Daphne! Daphne! Daphne! [jumping up and down]
Me: What Char?
Charlotte: Daphne! Daphne! Daphne! I..I..I...[clearly trying to get something out]
Me: Charlotteeee, come on, spit it out.
Charlotte: [jumping up and down with crazy excitement] I..I..I..I LOVE YOU!
Dirty toes
Annika is becoming a bit of an actress, and combined with her verbal precociousness, this generally makes for some hilarious comments. Yesterday we came home from a walk and she was taking off her shoes in the front hallway. Suddenly I heard her from behind me in a very serious tone, "Oh, Mama. (whispers) Oh my god. My TOE, Mama. What should we do?"
Her toe was dirty.
Kung Fu Fighting
I regularly babysit a little girl in my neighbourhood. She just turned five. Last time I was over, we were playing lots of roll-around-on-the-floor-being-goofy games and giggling like crazy when all of the sudden she gets up, walks to the corner of the room and grabs two foam swords, walks back and hands me a sword, looks at me with dead seriousness and says, "I'm going to teach you to fight like the Chinese."
Brownies
Elena: Mami can I have a brownie?
Me: Not right now. You had one after lunch.
Pause
Elena: Mami I'm going into the kitchen now. You stay on the couch. Don't look at me. Ok?
Me: Ok. Pause. Are you eating the brownies?
Elena: No. Guillermo, do you want a brownie?
Me:
Elena: Mami. We're out of brownies. We need to make more.
Me: What happened to them?
Elena: I ate them.
Melting God
Her: "God lives in the clouds. Do you know why God lives in the clouds?"
Me: "No, why?"
Her: "Because if he comes down to Earth He will MELT!"
That's got to be the weirdest reason I've ever heard for God not living on Earth.