Funny things kids say - 5 random sayings

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!


One of my kids pronounced everything off just a little bit...
He wanted to check out books from the strawberry.
He asked for more hostages (instead of sausages) for dinner.
His favorite character in Batman was Toothpaste. (Two Face)


I was reading a book recently.
Son: "Mama."
Me: Yes, honey? *distracted*
Son: "Mama, look at me!"
Me: *looks at his grinning face, 6 inches from mine*
Son: "SMILE at me!"
How can you resist that?

I want to be a fireman

We went to a little Independence day celebration thing this morning and there were some firefighters there giving the kids a tour of their firetruck. This little boy jumped up in the seat and had the following conversation with a fireman:
boy: I sure wish I could be a firefighter and drive this truck!
ff: Well maybe you can someday when you get a little older.
boy: My birthday is in August! Then I will be older.
The fireman asked him how old he was and told him he'll have to have 13 more birthdays before he can drive the firetruck. The kid looked crushed.

Energy rating

My daughter pointed at the energy rating on the fridge - the one that gives you 5 stars if its good - and asks me "Mum, does that say 'angry eating'?"

No penis?

I was taking a shower and my son who was 3 at the time turned around and saw me before I could hurry up and put the towel around me. He asked me, "Why don't you have a pee-pee like me and daddy?" So I told him that girls don't have pee-pees like boy's. So he looked at me and said,"Well I'll tell daddy to buy you one".