Funny things kids say - 5 random sayings

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.


You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Jesus sings

We were listening to the radio in the car today. I usually have it tuned to the Christian station, becase I'm a big dork. Well, today a song came on and my son asked, "Mom, is that Jesus singing?". Very amusing mental image.

Nipple nose

My 5 year old nephew just asked me why I have a nipple by my nose.
Thanks for reminding me I have not yet put my makeup on and I have a nice zit on my face.

Hole in my bum!

My daughter was about two yrs old and had just gotten out of the bath. I carried her out to the livingroom in a big towel and sat her on the couch. While I was back in the bathroom to clean up, she had unwrapped and was cruising around in the buff. When I came back to the front room she had her hand on her bum with a horrified look on her face. I asked her "What's the matter baby?" and she replies, "Mommy! There's a hole in my bum and I just put my pinger in it!!"

Lawyer later

My brother - 5 yrs old - and my sister - 6 yrs old - were sitting in the back seat of the car sniping at one another as siblings often do. Finally, out of frustration, my brother says, "When I get big, I'm going to be a policeman and arrest you!" Without missing a beat my sister says, "Yeah? Well when I get big, I'm going to be a lawyer and sue you for wrongful imprisonment!" 20 years later, my sister IS a lawyer.

No penis?

I was taking a shower and my son who was 3 at the time turned around and saw me before I could hurry up and put the towel around me. He asked me, "Why don't you have a pee-pee like me and daddy?" So I told him that girls don't have pee-pees like boy's. So he looked at me and said,"Well I'll tell daddy to buy you one".