Funny things kids say - 5 random sayings

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

What's your job?

M: I want to go upstairs to mommy's office.
A: Your mommy is working.
M: At her job?
A: Yup.
M: Daddy goes out to work at his job.
A: Yes, he does.
M: A...What is your job?

Marriage and divorce

My daughter was trying to get me to get married.
"If you get married, you need to get the divorce as well. If I got married, I'd get the divorce just before I died so he doesn't have to worry about me."

Poisoned nephew.

While on the phone to my sister, her little boy Alec was having dinner in the background - partway through the conversation, I heard him yell out "DANA! HELP! MUM'S TRYING TO POISON ME WITH SAUSAGES!"


Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss

Spend spend spend

Her, watching over my shoulder on the computer: "Go to eBay!"
Me: "Why? Do you have something you need?"
Her: "No, I just want to go to eBay to buy stuff!"