Funny things kids say - 5 random sayings

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.


You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Unicorns drained the Murray

In Australia, the Murray River is a very large river system that has so much water sucked out of it by irrigators that it just doesn't flow at all by the time it reaches the sea. It is a major political issue as the river crosses several states.
Her: Mum, I know why the Murray River doesn't flow!
Me: oh?
Her: Yes! Unicorns drink it! Big herds of unicorns come down and drink all the water!
Me: I'll let the Government know so they can do something about it.
Her: You can't kill unicorns! Unless you stab them under the left eye.

Get your own

After church tonight, I made the children do the chores they should have done yesterday. Here's what Julia said, "Home is supposed to be where I relax." I told her she could relax when she had her own house.

Number 5

I went to pick up my 3 year old at my mothers house one day, and on the way home I asked him if he used the toilet. When he replied, yes, I asked #1 or #2. He answered, "I think #5, I went a lot!"

Big feet

Josiah was industriously walking a line toe to heel and counting under his breath. When he got to seven, he announced, "I saw a snake seven feet long yesterday!". Thats 2 and a half feet long when you don't have such small feet.

Driving by itself

Today Miss 3 tells me "Last night, when I was in bed, I was dreaming that the car was driving by itself."
She wouldn't tell me where the car drove itself to.