Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Old age

Her: "Mum, how old is Coco's grandpa?"
Me: "Not sure, he's in his 60s"
Her: "So why does he look like he's in his 80s!"
Me: ...
Her (before I can answer): "Mum, how old is Coco's nana?"
Me: "About the same age as little grandma"
Her: "Then why does she look so much worser!"
Me: ...
I told her it's because they smoke, and smoking makes you wrinkly. I'm sure she will go and tell this to Coco, who will then tell her nana, who will tell me. Argh.

Listen up mom

I was just making lunch, and my daughter was telling me that she wanted her mustard in the shape of a "y" today. Well, I kind of am at the end of the bottle, and it doesn't make for great spelling, and it ended up looking a bit like a polka-dotted "x" instead. She got all upset and clicked her tongue and said, "Someone doesn't listen too well today."

Jesus Christ!

Aisha was telling me that when she is rich and famous, she's changing her name to Aisha Jan, just like Jesus Christ. This confuses me, so I push for details. After much more confusion, I finally realise what she is on about.
A few weeks ago she discovered that Jesus was born on Christmas day. She was very surprised, and we explained that was why Christmas is called Christmas ... Jesus Christ, Christmas, Christ, Christmas, get it? Aisha is born in January. So she wanted the first syllable of January, the same way Jesus got the first syllable of Christmas. Hence, Aisha Jan.


I was driving my 12 year old son home from school with the poodle in the car and I asked him if he had farted. He told me no and blamed the dog. We wound down the windows and the farting discussion continued along these llines -
Son: You can really tell a Casey fart (one of his friends).
Me: How?
Son: It is just easy to tell, but you have to have a good nose and good eyes to detect a fart at school.
Me: Why would you need good eyes?
Son: You can see their pants wobble.
I laughed so hard. What is it with boys and fart talk?


We had chicken fillets cut into pieces and cooked in sauce for dinner last night (Chicken Tonight style, if you are familiar with the brand). After dinner we were watching TV and there was an advert for KFC fillets, which comes with the "11 different herbs and spices" that I'm sure everyone knows.
My daughter piped up with "Mum, next time we have chicken fillets can we have the crispy ones not the slimy ones?"
So much for thinking I'd made a nice dinner.


"I'm watching the astro kitties!" says my daughter, as she sits down to watch Disney's Aristocats.

Get your own

After church tonight, I made the children do the chores they should have done yesterday. Here's what Julia said, "Home is supposed to be where I relax." I told her she could relax when she had her own house.


This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles.

Incontinent continents?

If you are surrounded by sea you are an island.
If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent.

Electric eels

Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers.