Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.
You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!
My nephew, who will be 5 in December, was laying in bed with his mother before bedtime. They were talking about his day, and how several of his friends approached him at school to tell him he was "cool". He proceeded to explain to her WHY he was cool: his spiked hair, his cool clothes, his super cool light up Superman shoes. But, apparently he has one flaw, because he told her: "My knees, however, are HIDEOUS."
My niece (who really is a sweet kid, but just does not take certain adults like me seriously) said to me at her birthday party "I didn't want you to come. I only wanted kids to come."
My cousin is 7. He is into anything computer or console game related. He's told us many times that he's going to be a game designer when he grows up.
Last weekend, he was snacking on various junk food items at my grandma's house during a birthday party. I teasingly said, "You know, you should really do yourself a favor and learn to eat healthy now, because when you're my age that stuff will catch up with you and you'll get fat."
He looked at me and in a very serious tone said, "If I'm working behind the scenes as a game designer, my appearance shouldn't matter."
We had this bug in the kitchen last week - a HUGE bug. I'm sure it was some kind of beetle, but what it really looked like was a giant cockroach. It had to be at least 1.5 inches long.
Daughter and I were afraid to kill it - can you imagine the crunch under a paper towel and the ensuing slime?
So I called up my son, age 15. He took a look, grabbed a paper towel and just tossed it on top of the creature. Obviously, that wasn't going to do the trick. I told him that a good son kills bugs for his mother.
He replied, "Real women aren't afraid of bugs."
Damn kid. I told him, "Touché!"
her: my zip is stuck
me: have you been pulling on it?
her: no, just trying to get it up
me: so have you been pulling on it?
her: no, just trying to get it up
me: so you've been pulling on it then
her: no, just trying to get it up
me: no really, have you been pulling on it?
her: yes
She came back to me about 5 minutes later with the same dress and the same problem and the same argument. And this was at about 6pm on a cold night, when she had no reason at all to be fiddling with the zip of a summer dress.
Her: "Mum, how old is Coco's grandpa?"
Me: "Not sure, he's in his 60s"
Her: "So why does he look like he's in his 80s!"
Me: ...
Her (before I can answer): "Mum, how old is Coco's nana?"
Me: "About the same age as little grandma"
Her: "Then why does she look so much worser!"
Me: ...
I told her it's because they smoke, and smoking makes you wrinkly. I'm sure she will go and tell this to Coco, who will then tell her nana, who will tell me. Argh.
I was just making lunch, and my daughter was telling me that she wanted her mustard in the shape of a "y" today. Well, I kind of am at the end of the bottle, and it doesn't make for great spelling, and it ended up looking a bit like a polka-dotted "x" instead. She got all upset and clicked her tongue and said, "Someone doesn't listen too well today."
Aisha was telling me that when she is rich and famous, she's changing her name to Aisha Jan, just like Jesus Christ. This confuses me, so I push for details. After much more confusion, I finally realise what she is on about.
A few weeks ago she discovered that Jesus was born on Christmas day. She was very surprised, and we explained that was why Christmas is called Christmas ... Jesus Christ, Christmas, Christ, Christmas, get it? Aisha is born in January. So she wanted the first syllable of January, the same way Jesus got the first syllable of Christmas. Hence, Aisha Jan.
I was driving my 12 year old son home from school with the poodle in the car and I asked him if he had farted. He told me no and blamed the dog. We wound down the windows and the farting discussion continued along these llines -
Son: You can really tell a Casey fart (one of his friends).
Me: How?
Son: It is just easy to tell, but you have to have a good nose and good eyes to detect a fart at school.
Me: Why would you need good eyes?
Son: You can see their pants wobble.
I laughed so hard. What is it with boys and fart talk?
We had chicken fillets cut into pieces and cooked in sauce for dinner last night (Chicken Tonight style, if you are familiar with the brand). After dinner we were watching TV and there was an advert for KFC fillets, which comes with the "11 different herbs and spices" that I'm sure everyone knows.
My daughter piped up with "Mum, next time we have chicken fillets can we have the crispy ones not the slimy ones?"
So much for thinking I'd made a nice dinner.