Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Jesus help the cold

In the, my little sister was saying out loud, "Jesus help the cold be warm again!" It was very cute.


I was giving my 5 year old daughter a shower one night and she asks me " when I get older, will I have big boobies like daddy?" My husband didn't think it was funny but I thought it was hilarious.

Water blindness

My 5-year-old brother and sister like to play in the water in the bathroom sink. I knew he was doing it when he ran out of the bathroom and ran to moms room. So I said"if there I water in there you better clean it up" he said "there's not!" So I go in there and sure enough there's water everywhere. He told mom that I had water blindness and could only see things as water and that's why I saw water.

Lawyer later

My brother - 5 yrs old - and my sister - 6 yrs old - were sitting in the back seat of the car sniping at one another as siblings often do. Finally, out of frustration, my brother says, "When I get big, I'm going to be a policeman and arrest you!" Without missing a beat my sister says, "Yeah? Well when I get big, I'm going to be a lawyer and sue you for wrongful imprisonment!" 20 years later, my sister IS a lawyer.

Just a sec

During a more than typically busy day, my wife and I were otherwise engaged as our youngest daughter kept asking for random things. Each time, either she or I would answer with, "Give me a sec." or "One sec." Eventually, she asked for something and followed it up with, "and no more sex!!!" "WHAT?" we asked, in amazement. She calmly explained that we kept saying "one sec" and she didn't want anymore "secs".


Walking our dog, a stray came up to sniff. My 4yo reached down to pet it & my husband said "Don't touch that dog! He doesn't know you!" She looks at the dog & says "Well my name is Anna" & tries to pet him, again.


I was teaching different kinds of transportation to my class of Taiwanese preschoolers when one boy piped up, "My mommy drives a BMW."

Another boy's eyes grew wide. "Wow! My mommy does too!" he said incredulously.

They were twin brothers.

Girl color

I asked a four year old at work what his favorite color was and he replied "excuse me, I already have a girlfriend" and walked away!


I'm a preschool teacher, and a kid came up to me one day and told me, "I'm going to Uganda and I'm never coming back ever!" Then walked away

Beautiful elbows

I work at a camp for kids who are going into kindergarten. One girl tapped me on the arm and said, "Excuse me, you have beautiful elbows."