Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Tasty germs

My eight-year-old son and i were shopping at the store. He had a package of Skittles that he was eating, and he kept dropping them on the floor. I tried not to notice as *cringe* he picked them back up and ate them. But when he dropped a whole bunch on the ground and started to pick them all up, I asked, "Don't you think that's gross? There's germs all over those!" He answered thoughtfully, "Yeah..but you can't really taste them."

Number 5

I went to pick up my 3 year old at my mothers house one day, and on the way home I asked him if he used the toilet. When he replied, yes, I asked #1 or #2. He answered, "I think #5, I went a lot!"


This morning my 3yr old son and I ran into the store.
He said,"Mom, it sure is windy out."
I said, "Why , yes it is."
He said," I sure am going to miss you when the wind blows me away."

Fishy crackers

One day last year I was picking my son up from school and he told me that his belly didn't feel that well during the day and that he had been sent to the office. He then told me that the school secretary/nurse had given him sardines and he felt much better.
I asked him "sardines, are you sure?"
"Yes, Mommy the white crackers they really helped!"
I couldn't stop laughing... I said "Nol, those are SALTINES not sardines."

Grow up, mum

Miss 5 just got really exasperated at me ... put her hands on her hips and declared ... "Mum, you're acting like a grown up!"
Um - what can one say?

Scratchy grass

I was fixated on being environmentally responsible and went to Bunnings to buy the $89 a metre fake lawn. I was talking on the mobile trying to convince my husband that we had to have the better quality fake grass because toddlers would love it because it's much softer. I had three year old grand daughter with me and she looked up and down the aisle to check noone was watching, lifted her tshirt and pressed her bare belly onto the fake grass. She pulled away in disgust and said "Scwatchee Tizzy". Needless to say, we left the fake grass on the shelf.

What will I do with you, Mum?

My sister had the flu, and went outside to check on 3 year old Alec (her little'un) pottering in the garden with his grandmother. Alec looks at my sis in shock and goes "Mummy! you're to go inside. You're NOT to come outside, you'll get sick and throw up, and then what will I do with you? GO INSIDE NOW". and he points. and frowns.

Old and fat

Just the other day, my daughter's best friend asked me, "Why are you so fat? Is it because you love ice cream?" My daughter answered for me: "No, she's so fat because she's so old."

Stupid cat

The cat was sitting on top of a bench and I patted her as I walked past. The cat reared up to smooch my hand, lost her footing, and almost fell off the bench. My daughter called out "Mum! The cat has lost her cleverness!"

I feel loved.

Two months ago I spent a fortnight in Melbourne with friends, and their 4 year old daughter instantly latched onto me. Just recently while shopping, and with no provocation, she loudly announced to the store.