Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.
You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!
Her: You know what I heard some people do?
Me: No, what?
Her: They go around and pull ladies boobies off!
Me: And where did you hear that?
Her: Jordan
Me: And does Jordan usually tell the truth?
Her: No
Me: So do you believe him?
Her: No, cos there's noone in the town with missing boobies.
They call them hundreds and thousands because there are squillions of them!
I was picking my daughter up from a party the other night, and since I am breastfeeding I didn't want to linger too long. Turned out they'd started eating late, so after they'd finished eating I'd already been there almost an hour. Finally drag her kicking and screaming to the car and we have this conversation:
Her: "Why didn't you bring the baby?"
Me: "It's a party, it's full of loud noises and strange people"
Her: "You could have left her in the car"
Me: "Erm, no, you can't do that"
Thankfully your average 7yo neither has kids nor drives.
My best friend in the world moved away a couple of days ago. Our kids have been friends for literally their entire lives. We were behind their Uhaul, heading home as they started their long journey. I was crying. My 15 year-old son was trying to console me, and I was like, "I know...it's just that she's the most important friend I've ever had. We had our babies together."
He said, "I thought you had your babies with Dad."
Him (cheerfully, with arms spread wide to indicate multitudes): Mommy, you can have as many husbands as you want!
Me: Thanks, but I only want one. Your father.
Him: Mommy, a terrible marriage is a very, very bad thing.
Me: Yes, I suppose you're right about that.
Him: A terrible marriage has angry mobs with pitchforks. It's very scary!
Young Girl: ...and then Mommy kissed Daddy, and the angel told the stork, and the stork flew down from heaven, and put the diamond under a leaf, in the cabbage patch, and the diamond turned into a baby!
Pugsley: Our parents are having a baby, too.
Wednesday: They had sex.
A friend of ours came over after Easter and my daughter runs up to him to show him her new pony that the bunny left her. She hands it over to him:
Him: Oh! Is this "My Little Pony"?
Her: No! It's my little pony!
And, she takes it back.
Walking across the bridge to feed the ducks, my son with an entire loaf of bread clutched under his arm: "The ducks need a sandwich."
My daughter was trying to explain what a veil is and how brides sometimes wear them. She said, "If I get married, I think I'll wear a funny hat!"
We came home really after the Canada Day fireworks and when we got home we noticed that our 5 year old son had left his car in the middle of the road so my husband jumped out and carried it into the carport. This is the conversation that my boys, aged 5 and 9, had about it:
Boy1(5)- Our dad is so strong! he's the strongest daddy ever! he can lift ANYTHING!
Boy2(9) - *in an unimpressed dull voice* If he was strong enough to lift anything he would be able to lift the minivan...
Boy1 - *pauses and thinks* Our daddy is sooo strong! He can lift small toy cars!