Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!


I caught our toddler picking off and eating the dried, crusty bits of sauce around the edge of the lid of a barbeque sauce bottle. I said, "don't do that, that's disgusting"
to which she replied, "No. Is yummy." and kept right on eating ...

Hiding from grown-ups

When I play hide and seek with my friends I have to hide, but if I don’t want to be seen by grown-ups I just have to be quiet.

Too little

Miss Almost-3 decided it was time for dinner. She got the carrots out of the fridge, the chopping board out of the cupboard, peeler and knife out of the drawer, and decided we were having carrots with dinner. One of the carrots fell off the table so I asked her to pick it up.
She replied, "No. I'm too little."

Not spotty

Our toddler was trying to put a polka-dotted dress on and was having some issues. She had it inside-out, and the spots are only printed on the outside. In a very upset voice she wailed "it's not spotty!"


Toddler in the bath.
"I digging for treasure! Dig dig dig dig dig!"
*pauses and rummages in the bottom of the bath and comes up with a toy car*
"Look! I finded a treasure!"


Overheard in the bath:
"You've got a bottom!"
"That's not a bottom, that's a penis."
"No, you've not got peanuts!"

Edible rain

Our toddler was quietly playing in the lounge and I was watching her. She was using cotton reels as people, upside-down plastic bowls as umbrellas, and she was making it rain on them. She was having a great time.
The problem? She was using a cookie as rain - crumbling it up in her hands and sprinkling crumbs all over her cotton reel people!

Poos don't wait

Many years ago when I was working retail I was serving a lady who had her young son with her. Her son pipes up and says "Mummy, I really need to go to the toilet" to which his mum replies "can you wait? I'm really busy at the moment." The response from her son "I can hold on mummy, but I don't think my poos can".

Scratchy scratch

Miss 3 has been going on about her clothes being "scratchy" for so long we have got to the point of ignoring any complaints about scratchiness, since nothing fixes her perceived problems.
However, yesterday she was complaining that her foot was scratchy and she wasn't wearing shoes or socks. On closer examination, we found the cause of the scratchiness. It was ... wait for it ... a scratch. Easy fixed with a band-aid.

Tree math

Miss 10 didn't notice one of our trees had been cut down, so we sent her outside to look.
When she came back in, she said "all I see is maths! Maths maths maths maths maths!"
*blank stare from us*
"You know, maths. Fractions. The tree is in pieces. Maths!"