Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Not eating noodles

Miss 3 was eating dinner, and announced "I'm not eating my noodles". But they were disappearing off her plate ...
On closer examination, she was sucking up her noodles *schloop* and swallowing them whole. So "not eating" just meant "not chewing". Her noodles disappeared in record time!

No apples

We'd just thrown out a set of yellow and green printed cot sheets with apples, hearts and a few other little pictures on them, because they had a hole in them. We put a set of plain green sheets on the cot, but the green sheets didn't have a pillowcase and we'd kept the pillowcase from the patterned sheet set, they matched the green quite well, so we just mix-and-matched them.
The result? One day, a very tired toddler refused to get into bed because her sheets had no apples on them, and her pillowcase did.

Too scary

We had left our scaffold set up outside on its highest setting - about 6 feet high. Miss 3 looked like she wanted to climb it.
Me: "You don't want to climb up there"
Miss 3: "Yes, I do want to"
*climbs halfway up*
Miss 3: "It's scary up there"
*climbs back down*
And I didn't even need to do anything!


Miss 10 came home from school and announced "Since when do we live in Antarctica!"
I replied "well, its almost winter now, it's getting cold"
No, turns out she was commenting that we were painting the house white while she was at school and it "looks like an igloo".

Jumping floss

Last time Miss 3 went to the toilet she came out telling us stories about jumping string. Ok, we thought she was just telling us stories about playgroup.
Next time *we* use the bathroom, there's the dental floss, wrapped around the toilet paper holder and strung across the room to the sink. Hence, jumping string. Now it all makes sense :)

New bedroom

We are building a new house, and I told Miss 3 that in the new house we will all have a new bedroom.
Miss 3 said, "And my new bedroom will be ... a kitchen!"

Chocolate salt

We were away over the weekend and forgot Miss 3's chocolate milkshake mix (which is a syrup) and had to give her Milo instead (which is a chocolate powder).
Miss 3 wasn't impressed by the "chocolate salt" we gave her.

Knows what she wants

Our toddler had dragged a chair up to the pantry again and was rummaging around in there. I told her to get out of there and close the door. Her reply?
"No mummy, I'm looking for chocolate".

Sock in it

This morning our dog was barking at everyone and everything. I said "Put a sock in it will you!" My son said "put your socks on will you!"


When I was 3, my Mum took me shopping. As we were walking around the shopping centre a man walked past with a trolley full of beer and wine, so in my loudest voice I said "Mum look! That man is an alcoholic!" Apparently the man gave my mum an awful look and she turned bright red.