Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Sleeping bottom

While we were on holiday, Miss 3 needed to poo at Great Grandma's house but refused to use her toilet. So we took her back to Grandma's house. She refused to use that toilet or the potty either, so we decided to go home early. Same story at every public toilet we stopped at on the way home, with lots of complaints about her "stuck poo".
She eventually pooped after we got home, and announced "my bottom is awake now!"

What I'm really doing

Miss 3 was being very silly at the dinner table, spending more time hyping her baby brother up than actually eating.
So I sternly asked her "Are you eating your dinner or are you playing with your brother?"
She replied, very seriously, "I'm playing with my brother."

Black legs

My daughter was staring at an attractive business woman walking towards us, head swivelling as she passed. My girl whispered to me "Mum, why does that woman have white arms and face and black legs??" Her face was incredulous. Of course, the woman was wearing sheer black stockings!

Long way

We are in a 'visiting nurse' program, who comes around once a month. Today she asked how we were, I said we just got over a cold that we got in Adelaide.
Nurse says to Miss 3, "Oooh, did you go to Adelaide?"
Miss 3: "We broomed a long long way away and we can't see our house anymore"


As gross as it is, the 8 month old has been eating dead flies off the floor.
Miss 3 announces "Frogs like flies and my baby brother likes flies!"

Not eating noodles

Miss 3 was eating dinner, and announced "I'm not eating my noodles". But they were disappearing off her plate ...
On closer examination, she was sucking up her noodles *schloop* and swallowing them whole. So "not eating" just meant "not chewing". Her noodles disappeared in record time!

No apples

We'd just thrown out a set of yellow and green printed cot sheets with apples, hearts and a few other little pictures on them, because they had a hole in them. We put a set of plain green sheets on the cot, but the green sheets didn't have a pillowcase and we'd kept the pillowcase from the patterned sheet set, they matched the green quite well, so we just mix-and-matched them.
The result? One day, a very tired toddler refused to get into bed because her sheets had no apples on them, and her pillowcase did.

Too scary

We had left our scaffold set up outside on its highest setting - about 6 feet high. Miss 3 looked like she wanted to climb it.
Me: "You don't want to climb up there"
Miss 3: "Yes, I do want to"
*climbs halfway up*
Miss 3: "It's scary up there"
*climbs back down*
And I didn't even need to do anything!


Miss 10 came home from school and announced "Since when do we live in Antarctica!"
I replied "well, its almost winter now, it's getting cold"
No, turns out she was commenting that we were painting the house white while she was at school and it "looks like an igloo".

Jumping floss

Last time Miss 3 went to the toilet she came out telling us stories about jumping string. Ok, we thought she was just telling us stories about playgroup.
Next time *we* use the bathroom, there's the dental floss, wrapped around the toilet paper holder and strung across the room to the sink. Hence, jumping string. Now it all makes sense :)