Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!


Miss 3 came inside and flopped down on the couch, grotty shoes and all.
I asked her to take her shoes off.
The reply? "No, you do it. I can't. I'm sitting now."

Toilet paper

Miss 3 came out of the toilet with an empty toilet roll.
I didn't think we needed a new roll yet so I asked her how much toilet paper she used.
Her answer?
"Much and much."

Ice skates

Miss 3 was caught standing on some of her toy cars. When told not to stand on her toys, she got very upset and wailed "but I'm trying to make ice skates!"


Miss 3 came up to me outside and said "There are bees on your flowers. I looked at them. They looked very stingy."
Yes, bees do sting.

All the way home toe

My daughter at 2 yrs old....she hurt her toe.... knowing it wasn't that bad, she kept saying I hurt my toe mommy...LOOK!
Finally she said to me MOMMY I hurt my all the way home toe!!!

Sleeping bottom

While we were on holiday, Miss 3 needed to poo at Great Grandma's house but refused to use her toilet. So we took her back to Grandma's house. She refused to use that toilet or the potty either, so we decided to go home early. Same story at every public toilet we stopped at on the way home, with lots of complaints about her "stuck poo".
She eventually pooped after we got home, and announced "my bottom is awake now!"

What I'm really doing

Miss 3 was being very silly at the dinner table, spending more time hyping her baby brother up than actually eating.
So I sternly asked her "Are you eating your dinner or are you playing with your brother?"
She replied, very seriously, "I'm playing with my brother."

Black legs

My daughter was staring at an attractive business woman walking towards us, head swivelling as she passed. My girl whispered to me "Mum, why does that woman have white arms and face and black legs??" Her face was incredulous. Of course, the woman was wearing sheer black stockings!

Long way

We are in a 'visiting nurse' program, who comes around once a month. Today she asked how we were, I said we just got over a cold that we got in Adelaide.
Nurse says to Miss 3, "Oooh, did you go to Adelaide?"
Miss 3: "We broomed a long long way away and we can't see our house anymore"


As gross as it is, the 8 month old has been eating dead flies off the floor.
Miss 3 announces "Frogs like flies and my baby brother likes flies!"