Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Fin coat

Small child in bath, acting out the plastic dolphin: "I've got hiccups. Its cold in the water. Its freezing. Good thing I have my fin coat on. I love my fin coat. It keeps me nice and warm."

Poop in the water

Miss 3 has decided she doesn't like tap water, especially not when there is orange juice in the house.
Miss 3: "I don't wuv this water"
Me: "why not?"
Miss 3: "Little brother pooped in it. He weally weally needs to poop and he couldn't find the toilet, all he could find is my bottle, so he taked the wid off and he pooped in it."
This translates loosely to "I want some orange juice"
What can you say to that?

I win!

Miss 3 was counting to herself.
"One two fee! I'm fee years old! My little brother is one year old! I win!"
Never knew getting older was a race.

Driving by itself

Today Miss 3 tells me "Last night, when I was in bed, I was dreaming that the car was driving by itself."
She wouldn't tell me where the car drove itself to.

Sea sheep

Miss 3 was playing in the bath with a plastic sheep. I told her "sheep don't like water". So she informed me in all seriousness that it was a sea sheep, and it loves the water.


Miss 3 came inside and flopped down on the couch, grotty shoes and all.
I asked her to take her shoes off.
The reply? "No, you do it. I can't. I'm sitting now."

Toilet paper

Miss 3 came out of the toilet with an empty toilet roll.
I didn't think we needed a new roll yet so I asked her how much toilet paper she used.
Her answer?
"Much and much."

Ice skates

Miss 3 was caught standing on some of her toy cars. When told not to stand on her toys, she got very upset and wailed "but I'm trying to make ice skates!"


Miss 3 came up to me outside and said "There are bees on your flowers. I looked at them. They looked very stingy."
Yes, bees do sting.

All the way home toe

My daughter at 2 yrs old....she hurt her toe.... knowing it wasn't that bad, she kept saying I hurt my toe mommy...LOOK!
Finally she said to me MOMMY I hurt my all the way home toe!!!