Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!


Our toddler spotted a bruise on my leg.
"You've got a bruise! You need to take the bruise out. You need the tweezers!"


Grandson: "Grandma, my penis is standing up. And it feels good!"
Grandma: "thats nice dear.. tell your mom all about it when you get home"


Mom: "How do I look in this dress I just bought?"
5yo daughter: "Like a tramp"
*stunned silence*
5yo daughter: "What, grandma says it all the time"

Talking from the next room

Loud voice hollering from her bedroom, two rooms away ... "MUUUUUUUUUM there's no music coming out of my radio". Doesn't come in here to even see if I'm inside the house or not. So I ignored her completely.
Within 30 seconds, the toddler comes into the study, looks me in the eye (something her older sister rarely does) and announces "Mum. No moosic. Radio gone". So of course I went in there to fix it.
Turns out someone had turned the volume down.


My toddler calls millipedes nanopedes.
It sounds like some kind of fancy new multi-legged robot.


I caught our toddler picking off and eating the dried, crusty bits of sauce around the edge of the lid of a barbeque sauce bottle. I said, "don't do that, that's disgusting"
to which she replied, "No. Is yummy." and kept right on eating ...

Hiding from grown-ups

When I play hide and seek with my friends I have to hide, but if I don’t want to be seen by grown-ups I just have to be quiet.

Too little

Miss Almost-3 decided it was time for dinner. She got the carrots out of the fridge, the chopping board out of the cupboard, peeler and knife out of the drawer, and decided we were having carrots with dinner. One of the carrots fell off the table so I asked her to pick it up.
She replied, "No. I'm too little."

Not spotty

Our toddler was trying to put a polka-dotted dress on and was having some issues. She had it inside-out, and the spots are only printed on the outside. In a very upset voice she wailed "it's not spotty!"


Toddler in the bath.
"I digging for treasure! Dig dig dig dig dig!"
*pauses and rummages in the bottom of the bath and comes up with a toy car*
"Look! I finded a treasure!"