Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Don't die

So I found something in the back of the fridge that still looked like it was OK and decided to eat it against my partner's advice. I said "I die you know what to blame".
Miss 4 pipes up with "you can't die mum, we need you!"

Boys and girls

A friend's child told me that girls pooped out babies while boys got jobs. Stereotypes are alive and well.

Worm bottom

Miss 3 said, "My Daddy has a worm bottom".

Crackers with bones

Miss 4 has always called chicken drumsticks either "chicken handles" or "chicken bones". We recently bought some chicken flavoured crackers shaped like drumsticks, and she calls them "bone crackers".


Grandson says to Grandmother.
Why do you have a clock outside.
Grandmother says. To tell the time when I'm outside.

In The Kitchen

I was making a quantity of Chocolate Pudding.
Whilst eating it was curious......
Grandson says - "Where did all the Milk go".


Long car trip. Three kids in the back seat. Smallest one fell asleep. Medium sized one was being very noisy and we told her to be quiet because her baby brother is asleep.
Miss 4 says very seriously, "He doesn't look like he's asleep. He looks like he's dead."
Miss 11 has clearly never thought about what dead people look like before and pipes up with a very surprised "he's not dead! He's breathing!"
Baby continues to sleep through the conversation.

Can't park

We were out for a walk the other day and passed a car that was parked at an odd angle.
Miss 4 announced "They are parked really baddily. They can't park."

Dinosaurs are loud

Miss Almost-4 was stomping around the kitchen. I told her to be quiet because the baby was sleeping. Her reply:
"No, I'm being a dinosaur. Dinosaurs are really big and they go stomp stomp stomp really loudly."


Miss Almost-4 knows that everything we put on the compost heap is worm food.
Today I overheard her while she was staring into the compost heap.
"Look! A worm jumped out! And another worm! They like our food!"