Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Sleeping cat

Miss Almost-4 spotted the cat in some thick plants in the backyard.
"Oh look its the cat! She's playing hide and seek! Oh no, she's not, she's sleeping."
Yup, that's what cats do.


We were in Adelaide the other day and passed a really big cathedral. Miss Almost-4 took one look at it and went "That's HOOOGE! Its not going to fall down. It's stuck."

Long drive

We took our son on a trip that is usually 3.5 hours long, but can be much longer if you have a kid who is no longer in any sort of diaper/pull up.
Our son proclaimed he needed to "pee pee in BIG potty!" so we pulled over and my husband takes him to a tree and explains how little boys can pee pee outside on trees and it's OK to do if you have to go and you don't see a big potty. Our son goes and we are on our way. We get to the "hole-hell" (hotel ) and our son runs to the lobby and up to a fake tree where, yes you guessed it, he whips down his pants and proceeds to pee on this fake tree all while saying very loudly "Daddy said pee pee on tree!"


I was reading a book recently.
Son: "Mama."
Me: Yes, honey? *distracted*
Son: "Mama, look at me!"
Me: *looks at his grinning face, 6 inches from mine*
Son: "SMILE at me!"
How can you resist that?

Feed me?

This isn't something funny my nephew said, but rather did. He's 1 and terrified of my mother's mini schnauzer. So she was showing him the dog was ok by feeding her treats. So my mother asked my nephew if he wanted to try (thinking he'd like to feed the dog if he were brave enough) and he nodded and opened wide for a treat too.


Today my four year old sister tried to convince me that yes, she is ready to date, that she and James are getting married when they start school, and that I should wear my blue dress to their wedding.

Jumping food

I went to the supermarket the other day with Miss 3 and was just talking to myself, "we need milk, bread, and anything else that jumps out".
She pipes up with "I love jumpy food. Its yummy!"

Lock it

Miss 3 has been industriously emptying her entire wardrobe every day and then filling it with toys. This has been driving me completely nuts, as it takes quite some time to re-hang clothes back on wardrobes and put peg puzzles back on their boards.
The latest time she did it and I told her off was quite funny.
Me: Stop taking your clothes out of your wardobe!
Her: NO.
Me: *stunned silence*
Her: You need to put a wock (lock) on it. There's a wock on the bathroom door. You need to put a wock on my cupboard.
I think she's right.


Miss 10 has been writing things in her own "language", which looks very impressive.
Me: "is it just straight letter substitution?"
Her (without pausing): "yes"
Me: "do you know what substitution is?"
Her (long pause): "no ..."
After explaining to her what substitution meant and then taking a few pages of her coded writing away, we cracked it in about 2 hours - made somewhat harder by spelling errors, made-up words, wrong letters and several very similar symbols.
I can now write her notes in her own "language" and leave them for her to find.


Miss 10: "who's a growly boy?"
Miss 3: "Wyan!"
Miss 10: "Who's a cute little boy?"
Miss 3: "Feo!"
Miss 10: "Who's an annoying little blonde haired girl?"
Miss 3: "ME!!"