Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Ear blind

I was drying the boy's hair and he was saying "Stop! Stop! Stop!" When I wasn't, he said "What are you, ear-blind?"


After bath one night..."My butt crack is broken. Mommy, you washed away my protective layer of dirt."

Get the baby out!

My 4 year old cousin and his pregnant mom:
Mom: so what do you think we should do today?
4yo: hmm.. Ice cream, playground, or surgery to get the baby out!!!

Too full

Miss 4 was in the small pool, and went all the way down to the deep end. She couldn't touch the bottom, so she wailed "the pool is too full!"

Farty bottom

I put the baby on the change table, with Miss 4 watching.
Me: "I need to change your bottom!"
Baby: "Bot! Bot! Bot! Bot!"
Miss 4: "The baby has a bottom so he can FART!"


Miss 4 was gazing into Miss 11's eyes, and then announced:
"You've got cracks in your eyes!"
Irises certainly do have interesting patterns in them :)


I was outside about to water the garden, and some of my plants were very wilted and lying flat on the ground.
Miss 4 looked at them and went "Those plants are sleeping! They need to wake up."

Lost its neat

My son woke up in the middle of the night crying "I can't sleep ... my bed has lost its neat"
Tucked him back into bed, neatly, and he went back to sleep.


Miss 4 was looking over my shoulder at my screen while I was looking at Wikipedia.
"Mum, why is there a puzzle on that moon?"

I knowed

I'd been umming and aahing for a while what to have for lunch, and I'd been saying to myself "I don't know what I want to have for lunch" while I was doing it.
Miss 4 being far less indecisive came up to me and said "I thinked about what to have for lunch and I knowed."