Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

New bedroom

We are building a new house, and I told Miss 3 that in the new house we will all have a new bedroom.
Miss 3 said, "And my new bedroom will be ... a kitchen!"

Chocolate salt

We were away over the weekend and forgot Miss 3's chocolate milkshake mix (which is a syrup) and had to give her Milo instead (which is a chocolate powder).
Miss 3 wasn't impressed by the "chocolate salt" we gave her.

Knows what she wants

Our toddler had dragged a chair up to the pantry again and was rummaging around in there. I told her to get out of there and close the door. Her reply?
"No mummy, I'm looking for chocolate".

Sock in it

This morning our dog was barking at everyone and everything. I said "Put a sock in it will you!" My son said "put your socks on will you!"


When I was 3, my Mum took me shopping. As we were walking around the shopping centre a man walked past with a trolley full of beer and wine, so in my loudest voice I said "Mum look! That man is an alcoholic!" Apparently the man gave my mum an awful look and she turned bright red.

Not me

Last night my daughter was systematically removing the magnets from the fridge (and I have a lot of fridge magnets) and posting them out through the cat flap. I was watching her, bemused, for a while and then asked "are you putting those magnets outside?" She stopped what she was doing, looked at me seriously, went "no, mummy" and then resumed posting the magnets outside.

Wearing naked

Tonight my eldest daughter was complaning she had to turn the TV up to get over the noise of the heater. We told her just to turn off the heater and put more clothes on so she doesn't deafen us with the TV from the next room ...
My partner said "look at you, you're only wearing a t-shirt. I'm wearing THREE tops".
I said "I'm wearing a jumper".
Toddler says "I'm wearing naked!"
And yes, she wasn't wearing anything at the time.

Packet of balls

We bought a different brand of nappies for our toddler. The packet had lots of pictures of a baby playing with a large purple ball all over it. Our toddler spotted the packet and was very agitated, and insisted we open the packet of balls for her to play with.
She was so insistent and didn't believe us that it was just nappies in the packet, so we had to open the packet and take some of the nappies out just to prove to her that it was not, in fact, a packet of balls.

Feel better

Our toddler is sick. She spent most of this morning on the loungeroom floor whimpering and falling asleep, waking up and whimpering again. We finally managed to get her to have some children's panadol (paracetemol) saying "here, drink this, it'll make you feel better".
So when she FINALLY drank it, it worked really well, and now she's trotting around the house with the measuring cup asking "I need more feel better?"

Hairy willy

Cousin1: Daniel when you grow up you're going to have a hairy belly! *giggles*
Cousin2: *looks puzzled* Why?
Cousin1: *shrugs* I dunno my Dad has a hairy belly...
Cousin2: My Dad doesn't...... *ponders*......But he has a hairy willy!