Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.


You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Not me

Last night my daughter was systematically removing the magnets from the fridge (and I have a lot of fridge magnets) and posting them out through the cat flap. I was watching her, bemused, for a while and then asked "are you putting those magnets outside?" She stopped what she was doing, looked at me seriously, went "no, mummy" and then resumed posting the magnets outside.

Wearing naked

Tonight my eldest daughter was complaning she had to turn the TV up to get over the noise of the heater. We told her just to turn off the heater and put more clothes on so she doesn't deafen us with the TV from the next room ...
My partner said "look at you, you're only wearing a t-shirt. I'm wearing THREE tops".
I said "I'm wearing a jumper".
Toddler says "I'm wearing naked!"
And yes, she wasn't wearing anything at the time.

Packet of balls

We bought a different brand of nappies for our toddler. The packet had lots of pictures of a baby playing with a large purple ball all over it. Our toddler spotted the packet and was very agitated, and insisted we open the packet of balls for her to play with.
She was so insistent and didn't believe us that it was just nappies in the packet, so we had to open the packet and take some of the nappies out just to prove to her that it was not, in fact, a packet of balls.

Feel better

Our toddler is sick. She spent most of this morning on the loungeroom floor whimpering and falling asleep, waking up and whimpering again. We finally managed to get her to have some children's panadol (paracetemol) saying "here, drink this, it'll make you feel better".
So when she FINALLY drank it, it worked really well, and now she's trotting around the house with the measuring cup asking "I need more feel better?"

Hairy willy

Cousin1: Daniel when you grow up you're going to have a hairy belly! *giggles*
Cousin2: *looks puzzled* Why?
Cousin1: *shrugs* I dunno my Dad has a hairy belly...
Cousin2: My Dad doesn't...... *ponders*......But he has a hairy willy!

Beat an egg

My 6 year old was being cocky and back-chatty the other day and i jokingly said if he didn't quit the back chatting i would beat him. He turned to look at me, looked me up and down and with a withering stare said "pah, you couldn't beat an egg" - i couldn't pick him up on his blatant continuation of back-chat cos i was giggling too much.

Lost your leg

My daughter also once asked me when she saw a disabled man without a leg, if he had lost his leg. Then she asked me why didn't he buy a new one?

Too many sweets

Kids do really embarrassing things, my nicee was at the cinema when she realised the woman sitting next to us was super obese and having 2 drinks and a mega pack of sweets. She then said "that lady is really fat, maybe she has too many sweets?"

Pussycarrot

Our toddler has recently lost the word 'cat' from her vocabulary and substituted it with 'carrot'. So every morning, she gets up, goes to our cat sleeping on the couch, and says "good morning pussycarrot".

Good girl

I changed my daughter's nappy after a long drive and told her "you wear nappies when we go out and use the potty at home". She replied "Yeah! I a good girl now!"
So cute!

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