Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!


Her: What are you doing?
(I was looking for clean underwear in a laundry basket)
Me: Looking for underwear so I can take a shower, but can't seem to find any.
Her: Maybe Daddy is wearing them.

Got gum?

My now 10 year old granddaughter at the age of three found out about chewing gum and that she liked it. Whenever she thought you had gum she would ask "do you got gum? I want some". Of course she did not always get gum when she wanted it. One day while waiting in a hospital waiting room, we were watching her. A teenage boy came in chewing gum. She watched him for about 5 minutes then went up and stood right in front of him. He looked at her and said "hi", she said, "You got gum?" He had by then focused on a ball game on the t.v in the waiting room. She waited watching him clack his gum and chew it and when he did not reply, she said again, louder, "do you got gum?" Concentrating on the ball game he ignored her.
Before I realized what she was doing, She climbed up in a chair and put her nose right to his and said, "I SAID, Do YOU GOT GUM, I want some NOW!" The poor kid gulped, swallowed his gum and red faced, said "Nope I don't have gum". She said, "Open your mouth and let me see". He complied. She then climbed down. And hands on hips said, "I know you had gum, you swallowed it and you're a liar. Now God is going to make that gum stick your guts together". Then she stomped off while everyone laughed that was in the waiting room and I took her out for her rude behavior to admonish her.

What moms do

Sunday as I was telling my daughter that when we get home she has to lay out her uniform for school the next day and pack her lunch. She grumbled about how she hates school and can hardly wait until she is a mom and can surf the internet all day. I thought I was going to pee my pants laughing.


My son in law and daughter have 4 girls and last spring she explained to her 10 old daughter the process of a woman's body and menses. The seven year old didn't want to be left out wanted to hear it too. So she told them what they needed to know.
Later that week while trying to explain to his 10 year old daughter the difference between an exclamation point and a period. The seven year old piped up and to his horror. Said, "NO dad that is not what a period is at all". "Don't you know, it is when a woman has a menses and that is how you and mom got babies". She proceeded to explain to him in perfect word for word detail the reproductive process of the woman's body. With that my son in law threw his hands in the air and said, "I am surrounded by 5 females, I give up".

People tails

16 months old, and talking really well (full sentences). I was changing her diaper and she noticed a yarn toy on her changing table between her legs. She grabbed it and said "I have a tail." I told her that people don't have tails. She said "Daddy has a tail." At that time I didn't think much about it, till she caught my hubby getting out of the shower and she said (pointing to my husband's privates) - "Mommy, see there's Daddy's tail!"
I let her think that until my nephew was over about four months later and said "Look what I have!" She was like "why don't I have a tail!!"
I eventually told her the penis and vagina terms.

Hiding dinner

I came in to check on my kids eating dinner. Had told them they had to eat their veggies. The son I knew would not comply was missing his plate. I checked the garbage and sink. He piped up at that time, worried, and said "Don't check the closet ok mom?"

Tooth fairy cheat

My 9 year old niece lost her tooth last week, but in her house the toothfairy stops once you reach nine. So she said to her mum 'what should I do with it' Her little sister answered 'Give it to me, I'll put it under my pillow!!' She's 7.

Fascinated by Boobs

After an underwear commercial featuring a new bra, my 4 year old daughter turned and stated with urgency; "Mommy, you need to take me to WalMart and buy me some boobs so I can get me one of those bras."

Now that's sharing

Me and Chloe are going to share a house when we are adults. There will be a bunk bed with a single bed at the top and a double bed at the bottom, in case one of us gets a boyfriend.


"Mum! You have big ugly lumps of fat with nipples on them!"
Fine, I'll be sure to never let my child see me without a shirt on again.