Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Lego ships

We were building lego ships together. Will looked at my effort and said "you've done well Mummy, all things considered"

4 pairs of legs.

Just then, we were looking at a Q and A segment in a child's magazine. One of the questions was "An insect has 6 legs, how many more legs does a spider have?" We asked Will, thinking he would maybe be able to work it out by mentally picturing the two. So I asked him, and he said "one (pause for dramatic effect) PAIR!", then he burst out laughing.

Car seat covers

My daughter was telling me that some cars have fuzzy seats. I told her "they're just car seat covers, you can buy them". "How much do they cost?" she asked. "About $50 to $100" I said. She looked shocked, and said "that's too expensive! I'm just going to buy a house and a car instead".


I was making a salad and my daughter took some lettuce to eat. She told me "It's nicer with that runny stuff you sprinkle on it". Yes, that's the salad dressing ...


A:OMG you're blind!
P:I know, I wear glasses

Long hair

ME: Do you think we should get you a hair cut?
HER: No Mummy, I want long beautiful hair ... like a mermaid ... like a beautiful princess ... just like Daddy


One of my kids pronounced everything off just a little bit...
He wanted to check out books from the strawberry.
He asked for more hostages (instead of sausages) for dinner.
His favorite character in Batman was Toothpaste. (Two Face)


My son was about 4, it was right after Halloween and he was in a very giving mood. He said, "I'm going to share all my candy with everyone in the whole world except the devil, the bad guys, and the Dallas Cowboys."

Shooting us

We had a police officer visit our school and have a conversation with the children regarding safety, etc. When he left, a 3 year old girl said to me “He didn’t even try and shoot us!” I never even thought the children would worry about that!

Dead dog

This 4 year old boy told me “My dog Lupa died and we put her in the garbage.”
I said “You mean you buried her?” He said “Oh yeah. We buried her and then we had a wedding.”