Shut up
We were in the car a few weeks ago and my son, who's almost 2, said "Shut up, Daddy". When I told him that wasn't a very nice way to talk to his daddy he said "Shut up, Daddy, please". At least I should be happy that he has manners!
Funny things kids say
Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.
You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!
Sardines
One day last year I was picking my son up from school and he told me that his belly didn't feel that well during the day and that he had been sent to the office. He then told me that the school secretary/nurse had given him sardines and he felt much better.
I asked him "sardines, are you sure?"
"Yes, Mommy the white crackers they really helped!"
I couldn't stop laughing... I said "Nol, those are SALTINES not sardines."
I figured I better tell him the difference so he didn't grow up thinking that sardines settled an upset stomach...
Raisin trees
One day when my children were all small I gave them some raisin bran for breakfast and while they ate I did some household chores. When they finished they went outside to play and I cleaned up the dishes. While washing up I realized it had become too quiet. So I went to check on them. As I started to go around back of the house. I heard my oldest son say, "Sh! We want to surprise mom, we are going to plant all our raisins we saved, and they will grow raisin trees". I slipped back in the house so as not to disappoint them and called my husband at work. That night while the kids were taking baths he saw where they had with big hope planted their raisins and put in some cherry seeds. They were so excited when those plants came up to show me their "raisin trees"
Poop
He was sitting on the potty and I said "did you go poop?" and he said... "NO mom, poop went away... its gone... it went away -- it went to walmart"!!!!
Babies in tummies
I showed my 4 year old a picture of me when I was 9 months pregnant and I said "look you were in mommy's tummy in this picture." He looked at it for a minute and very seriously asked "Did you eat me"?
Wrinkles
I was with my 5 year old niece and my mom. We were sitting at the kitchen table going through the mail. My niece found a sample packet of anti-wrinkle cream. She asked my mom “Grandma what is this?” She said “It's a cream that makes your wrinkles go away.” She yelled “What are you waiting for grandma! Put it on!”
4 pairs of legs.
Just then, we were looking at a Q and A segment in a child's magazine. One of the questions was "An insect has 6 legs, how many more legs does a spider have?" We asked Will, thinking he would maybe be able to work it out by mentally picturing the two. So I asked him, and he said "one (pause for dramatic effect) PAIR!", then he burst out laughing.
Car seat covers
My daughter was telling me that some cars have fuzzy seats. I told her "they're just car seat covers, you can buy them". "How much do they cost?" she asked. "About $50 to $100" I said. She looked shocked, and said "that's too expensive! I'm just going to buy a house and a car instead".
Vinegar
I was making a salad and my daughter took some lettuce to eat. She told me "It's nicer with that runny stuff you sprinkle on it". Yes, that's the salad dressing ...
Blind
A:OMG you're blind!
P:I know, I wear glasses