Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

I forgot

Our oldest was just 5 and at that stage where he couldn't concentrate for long on anything. Dad had asked him to tidy the toys away in his bedroom before we were due to go out. Some time later dad walked in and found him happily playing. Dad was annoyed and asked "What have you been doing - I asked you to put your toys away" a very flustered little boy jumped up and said "I have obviously been doing something - I just can't remember what!"

What daddies do

My 3 year old said to me the other day: "why do Mummy's do so much? and then he said "what do Daddy's do? He then answered his own question and said "I know Daddy's watch TV and play the computer!!! I told him he would have to tell Daddy that one when he got home from work!!! Daddy wasn't impressed. I thought it was very cute.

Evil Easter

My daughter was colouring in an Easter bilby for a competition. She had coloured its eyes red, and I told her to do them black. She looked at me like I was stupid and said "They are supposed to be red, its EVIL".

Irish dancing

It is a competitive sport that is very popular. You wear special shoes that are very comfy! People Irish dance all over the world. It is very famous and very fun.

Breast is best

My 7 year old daughter was watching me breastfeed the new baby.
Her: How do they stay stuck?
Me: Suction. Suck suck suck suck.
Her: *long pause, intently watching the baby*
Her: I don't know what that tastes like and I don't want to know!

Baby born doll

I was brushing the baby's hair, and the brush was getting lots of static so I was sitting there making her fine baby hair stand on end. My partner walked past and went "Its a human, not a toy".


I haven't got a hair style. You can have long hair styles or short hair styles, but I don't really have any hair style. I'm going to get my Daddy to take me to the hair cuts to get me a hair style.

You said what?

We recently had a big storm and got flooded. Our house runs entirely on rainwater, so while my daughter was having a shower a few days later we had this conversation:
Me: "You know we're washing in water from the storm right now?"
Her: "Really?!?"
Me: "Really really."
Her: "Shrek says really really. And donkey!"
Me: "Yes, but what did I say before that?"
Her: "I didn't hear you"
So much for telling her something interesting about the storm ...

Spend spend spend

Her, watching over my shoulder on the computer: "Go to eBay!"
Me: "Why? Do you have something you need?"
Her: "No, I just want to go to eBay to buy stuff!"

Say it straight

My daughter Aisha had the first meusli bar from a box. We'd had that particular brand before and she recognised the flavour. But instead of saying it directly, she said "This taste reminds me of the time a little girl called Aisha had a meusli bar that tasted just like this one".