Teacher
When I grow up, I want to be a normal person. Not a teacher, they have to look after all the naughty kids.
Funny things kids say
Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.
You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!
Vaporize
My 15 year old brother taught my younger brother how to burn ants with a magnifying glass and the sun... Well soon it moved on to paper. My little brother plays alot of video games so he has very creative words... Anyway next thing you know he walks into the house and says to my grandma, "Nanny I need some paper." So she says "why do you need paper?" He exclaims "I need paper to vaporize it."
In a jam
Her: Since I hate jam, I took my sandwich apart and had it like toast. And guess what? It tasted like pancakes. And I love pancakes.
Me: So you hate jam on bread but you love it on pancakes?
Her: Yes, that's right.
I could pick some holes in that logic, but I won't.
Just a flesh wound
My daughter comes home and tells me in passing she had a blood nose today. She gets blood noses pretty often, especially when its hot, so I didn't pay her much attention.
So later that evening after I point out one of her many bruises, she says "The teacher says I'll get a bruise here", pointing to the bridge of her nose between her eyes. "Why?" I say. "Because I got hit there with a ball by Eli at cricket time. And I was crying. And I had to sit out a whole lesson. They put an icepack on it. That's why I had a blood nose".
You never get the full story, do you?
Sleeveless
A few days ago Jack, aged 2, soaked his shirt sleeves playing at the sink. So, I did what any mother does and changed his shirt. All I had that was ironed was a short-sleeved one so, as it's cold, I put a cardigan on over the top.
Being Jack, he soon pulled the cardigan off and got on with playing.
A little later we were getting ready to go out and I told everyone to get their coats.
Jack suddenly let a shriek out of him and announced, "Oh no, my sleeves are rubbed out!"
He had earlier watched his big sister rubbing out a mistake in her homework book!
I forgot
Our oldest was just 5 and at that stage where he couldn't concentrate for long on anything. Dad had asked him to tidy the toys away in his bedroom before we were due to go out. Some time later dad walked in and found him happily playing. Dad was annoyed and asked "What have you been doing - I asked you to put your toys away" a very flustered little boy jumped up and said "I have obviously been doing something - I just can't remember what!"
What daddies do
My 3 year old said to me the other day: "why do Mummy's do so much? and then he said "what do Daddy's do? He then answered his own question and said "I know Daddy's watch TV and play the computer!!! I told him he would have to tell Daddy that one when he got home from work!!! Daddy wasn't impressed. I thought it was very cute.
Evil Easter
My daughter was colouring in an Easter bilby for a competition. She had coloured its eyes red, and I told her to do them black. She looked at me like I was stupid and said "They are supposed to be red, its EVIL".
Irish dancing
It is a competitive sport that is very popular. You wear special shoes that are very comfy! People Irish dance all over the world. It is very famous and very fun.
Baby born doll
I was brushing the baby's hair, and the brush was getting lots of static so I was sitting there making her fine baby hair stand on end. My partner walked past and went "Its a human, not a toy".