Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.


You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

I know it, but I don't

Child: "We're learning Absolutely Everybody at school and I know the whole song!"
Mum: "That's great! Why don't you sing it for me?"
Child: "I can't, I don't know any of the words."

Martin Luther King

After discussing the reason we were about to have the following Monday off from school, and after having read the book "What Is Martin Luther King Day" to my kindergarten class, I asked my students if they could recall the reason for the holiday. One of my students very proudly raised is hand, and before I could call on him, shouted, "It's Martha Looking Clean Day!"

Bakery

We went to the bakery and while I was waiting, my 6 yr old son said to the person that was helping us, do you know those cigarettes you have up there are bad for your health? You should put candies or toys up there to sell Not Cigarettes!!!!!!
I lost it laughing so did the person attending us.

Stick-on stars

While doing a constellation project, the students were each given a handful of star stickers. They were the old-fashioned kind that must be licked to stick. One of the boys complained that his stars kept falling off. My student teacher went over to him and saw that his paper was practically dripping saliva. She explained, "The stars only need a LITTLE BIT of moisture to stick. Just touch it to your tongue quickly."
He said, "I DID! SEVENTEEN TIMES!!"

Baby on TV

My oldest son when he was five and I was pregnant with his brother did not believe I had a baby in my belly. He came to the 20 week ultrasound with us. The next day he went to school with the ultrasound picture for show and tell. He told the class, "I know my mom's really got a baby in her belly now because he saw it on TV!"

Number 2

My 4 year old niece was on the toilet and screamed "Auntie I can't go!" I replied, "why?". She said "It's holding on for dear life!" (funny, it was a #2)

Soggy cereal

One morning Daddy was making his son, Harry - age 3, a bowl of cereal. Mom, the usual cereal maker, was out that morning. Harry LOVES his cereal crunchy and will settle for nothing less. Daddy poured too much milk in the cereal and naturally, Harry did not enjoy eating his bowl of soggy cereal.
The next morning, same routine. Daddy asked, "Harry, do you want Daddy to make another bowl of cereal like yesterday?" Harry responded, "No thanks Daddy, you don't make it good."

Birth

Me: Josh, are you a big brother now?
Josh: yeah, Gabriel isn't in mommy's tummy any more. They pushed so hard mommy went POP. and now Gabriel's here!

Model

We were watching America's next top model and my daughter said to me:
"Mom, why don't you look like them?"

Liar liar

Four-year-old holding up a toy: Mommy, can I get this?
Mom: It says it's for kids ages eight and up. How old are you?
Four-year-old: Um... eight.

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