Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Big pencil

"Mummy mummy, BIG pencil! But I can't draw with it.."
when she saw the silver minaret on Gallipoli Mosque


I commented to my daughter I was getting fat. She put her arms around me, said "No mum, you're only *this* big. You're not fat like Josie's Pop and Josie's Nan and Josie's Mum and Josie's Dad. Even the boys in Josie's family are pregnant!"
I just couldn't stop laughing. She was right, they are all fat ...


Kid 1 - "So we had to submit designs for a tshirt...everyone had to, and my design won!"
Kid 2 - "Yeah, well i won a colouring in competition in grade one!"


Girl 1: ... She's not Asian, she's Filipino!
Girl 2: It's the same thing.
Girl 1: Yeah, but she's not like Asian Asian.
Girl 2: What, just cos it's not on the same continent.
Girl 1: But they all have to have 'ese', you know, like Chinese, Japanese...

Don't hit people

One of the girls hit Bailey.
Bailey: (To Jill) She hitted me!
Jill: Well tell her not to.
Bailey: (Points in girl's face) NOT TO!


Little girl: I like sex!! I like sex! I like sex!
The little girl's older sister (who is 6 years old): You don't even know what sex is!
Little girl: Yes I do!
Older sister: No you don't!
Little sister: Yes I do! It's prawn dumplings!
Older sister: No it's not.
Little sister: Sex is prawn dumplings!!
Older sister: No it's not! Sex is when mum and dad go into the bedroom and go like this........

Trading a lemon

Girl: We used to have chickens, but my mum traded them for lemons.
Boy: She traded them?
Girl: Yeah with the neighbor! *pouty, angry look*

Chinese food

Little girl sitting in a Chinese restaurant with her mum:
"I'm not eating this Mum! It smells like a 'gina!!"

Credit cards

Little girl riding her dad's shoulders: "Daddy, can I have a credit card when I'm four?"


Kid 1: "I hate Robotz, one day I'm gonna kill all Robotz."
Brother: "If you hate Robotz, howcome you have Robotz books?"
Kid 1: "So that I can learn about Robotz, so I can know how to kill them."