Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.


You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Raisin trees

One day when my children were all small I gave them some raisin bran for breakfast and while they ate I did some household chores. When they finished they went outside to play and I cleaned up the dishes. While washing up I realized it had become too quiet. So I went to check on them. As I started to go around back of the house. I heard my oldest son say, "Sh! We want to surprise mom, we are going to plant all our raisins we saved, and they will grow raisin trees". I slipped back in the house so as not to disappoint them and called my husband at work. That night while the kids were taking baths he saw where they had with big hope planted their raisins and put in some cherry seeds. They were so excited when those plants came up to show me their "raisin trees"

Going potty standing up

My son bragged to his entire preschool class and his teacher, "MY daddy can go potty standing up!"

Dammit

My son Ray was about four and he had been around his uncles listening to some strong swear words. So he began to pick up on them. My mom told him "Ray, I don't want you to say 'dammit' again, do you understand me?" "Yes ma'am." he said. "If you do", she told him "I am going to wash your mouth out with soap". The next day he came back and took out of his pocket a small bar of soap he had snuck out of our bathroom. She asked him, "What's that for?" He looked her straight in the eye and said, "In case I say 'dammit' again".

Invisible God

My 4 1/2 yr old son asked us out of the blue this weekend: "Is God invisible?" To which I naturally answered "Yes". The straightback question was: "Then how does he carry things?"

Daddy Warbucks

My 5-year-old told me she's gonna have two babies, (they're in "eggs" in her tummy right now), and they're one girl and one boy. I asked her what their names are going to be and she goes "Annie and Daddy Warbucks." You can tell what we watch 50 times a day!

Pooping

So we were at the fancy restaurant tonight with my mother-in-law. My son and I come back from the bathroom. My daughter says "what took you so long?". He says as loud and proud as ever "I was pooping!"

Thunder

My friend's son is afraid of thunderstorms. My friend told her son however, that God was just bowling and that's why the "booms" are so loud. Another loud clap of thunder errupted and with wide eyes, her son said: "Gee, he's good!"

Hole in my bum!

My daughter was about two yrs old and had just gotten out of the bath. I carried her out to the livingroom in a big towel and sat her on the couch. While I was back in the bathroom to clean up, she had unwrapped and was cruising around in the buff. When I came back to the front room she had her hand on her bum with a horrified look on her face. I asked her "What's the matter baby?" and she replies, "Mommy! There's a hole in my bum and I just put my pinger in it!!"

Phsychic child

Just a few days after I found out that I'm pregnant, I made plans to go to lunch with a friend and her three year-old daughter. When they came to pick me, my friend's daughter turned to her and said, "Sarah has two puppies and a baby?" There's no way she could have known that I'm pregnant.

Smelly

When one of my daughters was being potty trained I put some perfume on her then right after that she needed to sit on the potty. She was sitting there with the door open when my husband came walking by. She called "Daddy, come smell me."

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