Married
My daughter just came over to me to give me hugs and kisses, so of course I had to kiss and hug her back. She starts to giggle and says, "Awww now we're married!"
Funny things kids say
Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.
You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!
Snot
My son has a snotty nose. Just regular allergy stuff. But he keeps coming to me and asking me to wipe his nose because "It has Snort". If he sneezes then I have to wipe it because "My nose has sneeze on it."
I miss school
I have a school reunion tonight and I was telling my daughter about it.
Her: How long since you went to school?
Me: About 25 years.
Her: Oh you must really miss it.
Me: Not really, no.
Her: Oh, I absolutely love school.
Lost my appetite
Tonight I was putting some disgusting old cottage cheese down the garbage disposal and told my son "I just lost my appetite."
He started turning in circles, looking at the floor, and said, "It's okay, Mommy. I'll help you find it."
Messy tree
We were going around the block, me walking and my daughter on her tricycle. We passed under a tree that had dropped its seeds all over the sidewalk. She turned to look at me and said in her best mommy voice, "Look at this mess!"
Not this week
My brother came to visit my sister and me. He was talking to my nephew who is seven about school. His dad said "Yeah, Jack's gotten terrific kid twice this year." My brother said "Oh, great Jack! Are you a terrific kid?" Jack rolled his eyes and said "Um.... nope, not this week."
Dangerous tiles
My son yelled at me today because apparently the lines between our kitchen floor tiles have morphed into laser beams and I was in grave danger because I was stepping on them.
Velociraptors
Me: "What animals are you looking for?
Her: "Verociraptors."
Me: "uh...what?"
Her (impatient): "Verociraptors!"
Me: "Okay, let's go find some Velociraptors then..."
Her: "You don't find them, they find you."
Timeout
"NO! NO! NO! I DON'T WANT A TIMEOUT! THERE'S NO REASON FOR A TIMEOUT!"
Me: "Why are you in timeout?"
Him: *instantly* "For screaming, jumping, not listening, and arguing."
Me: "Sounds like there was a reason then."
Him: "NO I DON'T WANT TIMEOUT THERE'S NO REASON FOR TIMEOUT I DON'T KNOW HOW AND I DON'T WANT A TIMEOUT!"
Garlic
My daughter, prodding some garlic that had escaped from the garlic roasted chicken on her plate:
"What's this white stuff? Its definitely not garlic. I don't even know what garlic tastes like."