Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!


Me: Honey, you’re only going to go to school for a half day today.
J: Why?
Me: Because when you stay for a whole day you are very cranky when you come home.
J: But Mommy, I want to stay a long time with my friends.
Me: Honey, I’m sorry ... you’re just too cranky when you stay all day.
J: You know what Mommy? Sometimes I’m cranky when I stay for a half day, too.


Mom: don’t pick your nose while your finger nail polish is still wet.

Surprisingly good

Daughter, surprised that the chicken we are eating tastes good: "Now I know why kids aren’t allowed to complain about their dinner. Because every once in a while it’s actually delicious!"

Frying pan head

The other night while playing in the tub, J took a toy frying pan, put it on her head and said, "Look mom, I’m a pothead!"

Bad weather

Mom, I want you to turn the sky to sunny.


I brought A a new pair of underwear out yesterday and he took one look at them and said "Death to the undies!".

Pink park

We are going to Yellowstone this weekend. We told M. "We are going to Yellowstone park!" and she replied "I don't want to go to the yellow park, I want to go to the pink park!"

Beauty and the Beast

Just today, my daughter was watching Beauty and the Beast. It was at the end, when the Beast changes into the prince, and she asked me what was happening. I explained that the spell was broken so the Beast became a prince again. She said, in a very know it all tone, "But mom, he can't change into a prince because it's called Beauty and the Beast, NOT Beauty and the Prince. Don't you know that?"
Obviously I am not well versed enough in my princess movies.

Sleeping is hard work

The other night I tucked my daughter in to bed. A few minutes later she called for me, so I went to see what she wanted.
"Moooom, it’s so HARD and HOOOOOORIBLE!" she sighed as she threw her arms over her face.
"What’s hard and horrible?" I asked the little drama queen.
"Sleeping," she moaned.
"Well, I’m sorry you think it’s hard and horrible. But why don’t you give it a try?" I proposed.
"But it’s so much woooooork!" she whined.
Sad thing is, the fruit didn’t fall far from the tree. I kinda think it’s a pain to sleep, too.

Sore tummy

Here, Mommy, feel my tummy. Does it hurt?