Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Which is more important?

My Birthday is on Mother's Day AGAIN this year...My son, just told me " Mommy I can't figure something out, I don't know which is more special, your birthday or Mommy's Day, I am soooo confused!!" Isn't he adorable??


The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.

Plaster houses

Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris.


Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.

Virgin forest

A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot.

Hot and cold

Define H2O and CO2: H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.

Just close your eyes

DS#1 suddenly howled in a annoying dramatic manner halfway through dinner at Jack's Place. So obviously all heads at the table turned and looked at him to which he lapped up the attention and continued howling. He finally told us that he had bit his tongue and that it was very painful.

Younger DS calmly told him "Just close your eyes and drink water!"

Dinosaurs in heaven

My 8 year old asked me today if dinosaurs went to Heaven. Um… I don’t know, I told her honestly. She said "Well, if they do, I’m going to ask God to shrink them so they won’t step on me."

Too young for that

Alright, this one scares me....we went to McDonalds to eat lunch, when we were leaving there was a convertable parked next to us with 4 teenage girls sitting on it and in it. My 7 year old son leans over to his Daddy and says "Dad you gotta check those girls out, they are sooo hot!"
Wow, isn't he too young for that???

No to the kitten

My four year old daughter told me that our new kitten had jumped on the table. When I looked over she was holding her on the bench with her. I told her to tell the kitten no and set her on the floor. She said, "but momma, the kitten won't like it if I tell her no, kittens don't like it when people tell them no!"