Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Indoors man

With my husbands health failing, my granddaughter noticed he had slowed down quite a lot (he was 52). No more work, yard work, etc. On our way to his doctor's visit, she stood next to him in the car and said, "Granpa, you are not an outsider anymore, you're an insider!"

Parsley and celery

The 12 year old junior Luddite was home crook from school the other day, and she sent me this text :
"I just watched a show on celery and parsley. Did u know scientist think they mite b able to fix the disability. Thats good".
I rang her, because it confused the stuffing out of me, and she started telling me that celery and parsley is the one where they shake and pull faces.
It wasn’t until about 10 minutes later, after I’d given up in total bewilderment, that I realised ‘celery and parsley’ was actually cerebral palsy.
Then I started to shake and pull faces. Love that kid.

Dark in there

When my oldest son was 2 years old, he found his first box turtle. After playing with the poor thing for what seemed like hours, he began studying it very closely. After seeing him stare at it face to face for a long time, I couldn't resist any more. I finally asked him what he was looking at. He said "Mom, does he have a nightlight in his shell so he can see in there?"

My daddy

Four years ago. My daughter 2,5 and son 4,5yo. Morning, me and the kids are playing birthday party. We are having lots of singing and blowing fake candles on a fake birthday cake. At the end I pretend cutting the cake and putting on my kids plates imaginary pieces. My son (always jealous that his sister has everything better that him) is saying to my daughter: oh, you have got a bigger piece, let’s swap the plates…
My daughter 2,5 crying that her mummy is going shopping and she has to stay at home with daddy. Returning home I asked my girl: My poor baby, did you cry my mummy, my mummy? And she replied: no, I cried my daddy, my daddy…

Painful feelings

While driving down the road, my daughter Ashley, and her cousin Becky were chatting in the back seat. My daughter whined aloud "Mom, Becky hurt my feelings." Becky responded "No I didn't, I am sitting over here!"


Not sure if this is funny or not but it was to me so here goes.
My 3yo wanted nutri-grain for breakfast – which isn’t the easiest word for a 3yo to say. He was saying some word I could not for the life of me work out so I asked him what does it look like it.
He said it was the colour of nanna’s dog with 3 holes in it. I immediately knew what he meant.

Kinder garden

Mom and her 4 year old daughter were strolling in the back yard. "Sweetheart," asked mom, "should we plant a vegetable garden or have a flower garden?" Her daughter replied without hesitation, "Mom, lets have a kinder-garden!"

Wrong dinosaurs

My son seemed unusually excited about an old rerun TV program 'Dinah Shore'. After it started he became agitated but continued to watch the program. Finally he threw his arms up in anger and shouted "MOM! This isn't about dinosaurs!"

Pregnant? I don't see it

Someone I know pointed to her tummy and told my 4yr old daughter that there was a little girl in there. She said "in your shirt" and she said "no, in my tummy" so my daughter lifted the reporters shirt and said, "I can't see it"!!

Missed the chance for a kiss

Back in Feb. my eight year old son had been playing with an older girl at our Mended Little Hearts meeting, before we left him and my five year old son went to the bathroom and Mr 8 told him that he should have kissed her while he had the chance.