Funny things kids say

Hot and cold

Define H2O and CO2: H2O is hot water and CO2 is cold water.

DS#1 suddenly howled in a annoying dramatic manner halfway through dinner at Jack's Place. So obviously all heads at the table turned and looked at him to which he lapped up the attention and continued howling. He finally told us that he had bit his tongue and that it was very painful.

Younger DS calmly told him "Just close your eyes and drink water!"

Dinosaurs in heaven

My 8 year old asked me today if dinosaurs went to Heaven. Um… I don’t know, I told her honestly. She said "Well, if they do, I’m going to ask God to shrink them so they won’t step on me."

Too young for that

Alright, this one scares me....we went to McDonalds to eat lunch, when we were leaving there was a convertable parked next to us with 4 teenage girls sitting on it and in it. My 7 year old son leans over to his Daddy and says "Dad you gotta check those girls out, they are sooo hot!"
Wow, isn't he too young for that???

No to the kitten

My four year old daughter told me that our new kitten had jumped on the table. When I looked over she was holding her on the bench with her. I told her to tell the kitten no and set her on the floor. She said, "but momma, the kitten won't like it if I tell her no, kittens don't like it when people tell them no!"

Indoors man

With my husbands health failing, my granddaughter noticed he had slowed down quite a lot (he was 52). No more work, yard work, etc. On our way to his doctor's visit, she stood next to him in the car and said, "Granpa, you are not an outsider anymore, you're an insider!"

Parsley and celery

The 12 year old junior Luddite was home crook from school the other day, and she sent me this text :
"I just watched a show on celery and parsley. Did u know scientist think they mite b able to fix the disability. Thats good".
I rang her, because it confused the stuffing out of me, and she started telling me that celery and parsley is the one where they shake and pull faces.
It wasn’t until about 10 minutes later, after I’d given up in total bewilderment, that I realised ‘celery and parsley’ was actually cerebral palsy.
Then I started to shake and pull faces. Love that kid.

Dark in there

When my oldest son was 2 years old, he found his first box turtle. After playing with the poor thing for what seemed like hours, he began studying it very closely. After seeing him stare at it face to face for a long time, I couldn't resist any more. I finally asked him what he was looking at. He said "Mom, does he have a nightlight in his shell so he can see in there?"

My daddy

Four years ago. My daughter 2,5 and son 4,5yo. Morning, me and the kids are playing birthday party. We are having lots of singing and blowing fake candles on a fake birthday cake. At the end I pretend cutting the cake and putting on my kids plates imaginary pieces. My son (always jealous that his sister has everything better that him) is saying to my daughter: oh, you have got a bigger piece, let’s swap the plates…
My daughter 2,5 crying that her mummy is going shopping and she has to stay at home with daddy. Returning home I asked my girl: My poor baby, did you cry my mummy, my mummy? And she replied: no, I cried my daddy, my daddy…

Painful feelings

While driving down the road, my daughter Ashley, and her cousin Becky were chatting in the back seat. My daughter whined aloud "Mom, Becky hurt my feelings." Becky responded "No I didn't, I am sitting over here!"

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