Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Tubesocks, the book

My three-year-old niece was visiting yesterday, and she was typing on the computer.
Me: "What are you doing?"
Her: "Writing a story."
Me: "I hope it's a good story."
Her: "It's not. It's about tubesocks."

Ninja poop

Camille (7) was trying to call Naomi a "nincompoop." It came out "Ninja poop."


When my son was about 3, and he wanted to express his displeasure with something we'd done, he'd look at us with his angry parent face and tell us we were "very temporary"

Kindergarten now, tomorrow the casino

We were on our way to school yesterday and a commercial for Choctaw casino came on. They have a catchy song, "Everybody's going choctaw!" L said, "After kindergarten I want to go Choctaw."


Me: Don't you want to wear a skirt to the dance thing, so it'll twirl when you spin?
Her: Meh.
Dad: Hey, Scottish guys wear skirts, did you know that?
Her: (Scornful) Yes. They're called quilts.


My daughter just came over to me to give me hugs and kisses, so of course I had to kiss and hug her back. She starts to giggle and says, "Awww now we're married!"


My son has a snotty nose. Just regular allergy stuff. But he keeps coming to me and asking me to wipe his nose because "It has Snort". If he sneezes then I have to wipe it because "My nose has sneeze on it."

I miss school

I have a school reunion tonight and I was telling my daughter about it.
Her: How long since you went to school?
Me: About 25 years.
Her: Oh you must really miss it.
Me: Not really, no.
Her: Oh, I absolutely love school.

Lost my appetite

Tonight I was putting some disgusting old cottage cheese down the garbage disposal and told my son "I just lost my appetite."
He started turning in circles, looking at the floor, and said, "It's okay, Mommy. I'll help you find it."

Messy tree

We were going around the block, me walking and my daughter on her tricycle. We passed under a tree that had dropped its seeds all over the sidewalk. She turned to look at me and said in her best mommy voice, "Look at this mess!"