Funny things kids say

Messy

A few days ago my daughter accidently knocked a bowl of chopped up apples off the table, she says "look mum. Mess!"

Alright, so my step-siblings are staying with us this month. The 10 year old made friends with another 10 year old named Cortland. Dinner tends to be a rehashing of every funny thing Cortland said and/or did. Tonight we had this exchange:
"Cortland is rich because he has like, everything you could possibly buy."
"Uh-huh..."
"He said he's not rich though. Like, today he came out of his house and he said 'I'm not rich! My dad just got laid!' "
Cue 4 pairs of eyes latching onto him, including the giggling of his brother and sister, aged 14 and 12. He just looks around trying to figure out what the hell is so funny.
"Did you mean 'laid-OFF?' "
"Yeah!"
He forgot one very important word in that sentence.

When I grow up

Me: "Hey, G. What do you want to be when you grow up?"
G: *very seriously* "A man."
I almost fell over laughing.

Peek-a-boo penis

Yesterday my son was in the bathtub, and he pulled the facecloth over his lap and said, "Where did peenie go?" Then he removed the cloth and yelled, "TA-DA!!!"

Apple Mac

My son has recently proven he is definitely his (computer-obsessed) father's child: "Apple! Apple! Apple!" he declares proudly to all who will listen.
I can only pretend that he's talking about the fruit, and the Mac in his hands is pure coincidence.

Not touching

We were in a department store today, and Will kept touching the displays. After being asked nicely infinate times, I lost my patience and dragged him over to the pram, and made him hang on, with the instruction, again, that he was not to touch anything. He looked at me for a microsecond, then came out with...
..."except the floor, with my feet!" (grin) and then he started spinning his arms around next to me and saying "I'm touching the air too!"

I think I can't

Ben and I were playing with his trains the other day, and he had his Little Engine that Could engine. This engine has a tall smokestack, and it doesn't fit under his tunnels and bridge arches. Ben would have the engine start up the hill to the bridge, and said "I am the engine that could! I think I can, I think I can, I think I can!" Then he'd get to the top of the bridge, where the engine does not fit, and would gleefully say "I can't!"

Makes your brains fall out

My 3-year-old knows I don't like for her to watch TV because it will make her brains fall out, so the other day she appeased me by telling me, "Mommy, after I watched TV at daycare I went to play in the toy area and my brains flew back into my head."

Grandpa says

The other day my two year old was playing on the floor with her doll and having a little conversation. She would ask her doll what different animals say and then answer it. "What cat say?" "Meow." "What donkey say?" "Hee-haw." She went through a whole list and then asked, "What Grandpa say?"
She didn't answer herself that time but I figured she had an answer in mind since she said it and I just had to know so I asked her, "What does Grandpa say?"
"Grandpa say, 'Hi shorty!'"

How babies come out

My 3.5yo son gleefully informed me last night of this little tidbit about my impending child birth:
"Mama, when you have the baby, its going to go up from your belly and out of your mouth!"
(He traced the path up my stomach to my mouth while telling me, and then began to laugh histerically. The bad mommy I am didn't correct him because I was laughing too hard.)