Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.
You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!
My in-laws took my nephews, nearly 5 and 6.5 at the time, up to London a month or two ago. They went to the Science Museum, and had their bags checked by security as they entered. The security guard explained that he was looking for anything that could be dangerous.
"You mean like a bomb?" asked one boy.
And his younger brother pipes up, "You mean like a duck?"
My son has his own Kidizoom camera. He's scrolling through the photos he's taken and he says to me, "I took a picture of my OWN ASS!"
Ellie has a slight cold and is a bit snuffly in the mornings. Today she complained that it sounded like a 'bird in her head'. The snot was making the air whistle, I just love the explanation.
My 20-month-old is already a tease.
Yesterday we went for a walk and he was eating an apple. We came up to a pasture containing some sheep, and he held out his apple in the general direction of the pasture and said, all pleasantly "Hi, sheep. Piece of apple? Bite?" Then he snatched the apple back to his chest and yelled, "NOPE!" followed by an evil cackle.
We had another round of "I don't want timeout" yesterday. "I don't want a timeout. I can't be in timeout. There's something wrong with the stairs, and so I can't sit here or I'll get hurt." There's nothing wrong with the stairs. After a bit, we then heard, "No, I can't be in timeout on the stairs, because then you guys will step on me and it will hurt!"
I don't think I've told this one yet. First, let it be known that I never swear around my son.
We were watching Dirty Jobs, and Mike Rowe was helping out at a place that turns poo into flower pots, or something like that. Mike announces that this particular machine that forces out the poo was like a big mechanical butthole. My aunt Tina came over a few minutes later, and the machine is shown on tv again. Jaren says, "Look Tina, this thing is a big mechanical asshole."
One of the children at work has been learning new words this week. We were in her sister's room, changing the sheets on the bed, when she started yelling "Look! A cock! A cock!" With my eyes doing this I said "What's that?" and turned to see her, still yelling "A cock! A cock!" and waving the bedside table CLOCK at me.
I'm just glad she hasn't spotted any clocks out in public lately. Or at least, not when I'm taking her out.
This is more a did than a said, but the 18-month-old that I nanny for was hungry last night. He doesn't have a lot of words yet (yes, no, ta, Mama, Dada, two of his three brothers' names, cat, dog). He was getting hungry around 4:30 and asking, with gestures, for a biscuit (cookie). I thought, being so close to his dinner time, I'd try distraction, so I said "No biscuits now. How about we read a story?". He grinned and ran over to his stack of books, picking out one called "My First Book Of Shapes & Colours", which he loves. He sat down next to me, flipped the book open, flipped past the Circles page, the Squares page and onto Rectangles. He stabbed his finger at the picture of a biscuit in the middle of the page and said "THAT"
Okay. I get the message. Me: "You really want a biscuit, don't you?" Him: "YES! Ta! Ta!". For ingenuity and creativity, he got a biscuit.
Son: "Why do I have to go to preschool?"
Me: "So you can become a productive member of society."
Son: "I don't want that to happen to me."
My son is really into animals right now. Ducks make a quack quack noise. Cats meow. A pig makes a snorty noise. And everything else goes Mooooo!
My husband and I were walking on the boardwalk with our son in his stroller. There was a couple sitting on one of the benches on the side of the boardwalk, with a very very large dog. Lucas took one look at the dog, pointed at it and said "Mama! Mooooooooo!"