Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.
You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!
I asked my daughter if she knew where hamburgers came from. "Meat?" "Well, close, hamburgers come from cows." "Oh. So, when we eat hamburgers we are eating cow?" I cringed. Am I turning her vegan? "Yes, that’s right." "Oh! So hamburgers have milk in them."
"Mommy, what is that thing with lines?"
"I don’t know. We’ll ask daddy." I said.
She replied, "yeah he’s smarter."
Maddox: Mama, where could we see a vampire?
Me: Maddox, vampires are only pretend. There aren't any in the whole world.
Maddox: Would we have to go to another state to see one?
Me: No. There aren't any anywhere except for on shows and in stories.
Maddox: Are there any on Mars?
Me: I don't think so. I don't think God would make vampires anywhere.
Maddox: Not even on another planet?
Me: No, vampires aren't very nice creatures and I don't think God would make them.
Maddox: What if God was a vampire?
Me: ...?? Vampires aren't powerful the way God is.
*later*
Maddox: How do you kill a vampire? Can you run over it with your car?
Me: It would come back if you did that. You have to cut its head off.
Maddox: !! Why??
Me: I don't know. I didn't make the rules. Whoever made up vampires did.
Maddox: What else works?
Me: You could jam a piece of wood through their heart.
Maddox: How?
Me: When it was sleeping.
Maddox: How would you cut its head off? With an axe?
Me: I think axes are too hard to maneuver. They're heavy and awkward. I think a sword would be better.
Maddox: I don't have a sword!
Me: Well, you could spray it with water. They don't like that. They melt.
Maddox: Really?
Me: Yes.
We also discussed vampire bats, what color they are, what to do if one gets trapped in your house, whether or not they turn into vampires, and what type of animals they feed on (not people). Thank you, Scooby Doo Vampire Island, for sucking ass.
My son was playing in the back yard when he suddenly announced that he wanted to come inside because "I hate it out here! It's too sunny...and too moony!"
"Mummy, when I'm twenty-five, can I please have a Bumblebee Transformer?"
I baby-sit for a five-year-old boy, J. We were watching TV and there was an infomercial for a plastic...thing with five slots in it; you hang it in your closet, put the hangers in each of the slots and thereby save closet space. So the actress is carefully inserting the hangers one by one and the following conversation takes place:
Announcer on infomercial: You can hang one, two, three, four--
J: It's FIVE.
Today at the orthopedist, the cutest (and most articulate) 4-year-old boy was getting a cast on his arm while we were waiting to see the doctor. He was chattering to Anna about some show and asking her if she had seen it. When she said no, she probably missed it, he very seriously said "That's okay, you can just log on to Hulu and download it like I did"
For some reason that just cracked me up. I mean, the kid can't tie his own shoes, but he knows how to log onto Hulu and download a show!
Yesterday I was trying on clothes in the maternity store and could hear a little girl (about 6 or 7) in the stall next to me with her mom. The mom was explaining to her about the pillow that you wrap around your belly to see how big you will get.
Then I hear singing:
"IIIIIIiiiiIiiIIIii haaaaave a baby in my tummy! IIIiiiiiIIIii eat goood foods to make the baby healthy! IIIiiiiiIIIIi look like mommy! My baaaaaaaaby will stay in my tummy until I'm 30 and ready to be a mommy too!!"
When I came out of the dressing room my friend was biting her lip and practically in tears trying not to laugh because apparently while the girl was singing she had the belly around her tummy and was dancing all through the store while rubbing her pillowed-belly.
Mark: "Mommy, I don't want you to see me do something bad."
Me: "Well, then don't do anything bad."
Mark: "No, I just don't want you to SEE me do anything bad. Go somewhere else."
Derek and Vincent have a collection of those cardboard bricks that initially have to be folded together to make them into their brick shape. I walked past Derek's room this afternoon to see him unfolding all of the bricks.
Me: Why did you take apart your bricks?
Derek: They're Transformers.
Me: Oh really? What have they transformed into?
Derek: Messed up bricks.