Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Monkey paint

N and I were discussing how to make new paint colors by mixing others.
Me: What do you get if you mix red and yellow?
N: Orange!
Me: Blue and red?
N: Purple!
I start marveling over what a smart little guy he is. But then I asked,
Me: What do you get if you mix all the colors together?
N: A monkey!

Movie's over

When we went to go see a movie, a family with a little boy of about 4 sat further to the left of us. Before the movie there was a little short cartoon. After the short the little boy said "why are we still sitting here? We already saw the movie!"

Reading in your head

We've been talking about how he doesn't have to read everything out loud - sometimes, you can just read them in your head, to yourself. He picks up a book today and starts reading it aloud. I said, "remember how you can read things in your head?" He looks at me, says, "Oh, yeah," and then puts his forehead in the book.

See you in Montana

K2: Mom, can I live with you when I grow up?
K1: Dad says when you turn 18 you are out of the house. You’ve got to “Get a life!”
K2: But, I want to live with you, Mommy.
Mom: I’d like you to live with me, I suppose I could charge you rent.
K1: How much would that be, Mom?
Mom: Oh, maybe $1200 a month.
K1: Are you crazy? $1200? For $1200 I could get my own condo or something.
Mom: Do you realize the house across the street is renting for $8000.00 a month? Do the math. You might be able to get a nice condo in Montana.
K1: See you in Montana, Mom!


Was giving the littlest one a good morning hug earlier today, squeezing him and telling him over and over that he was, "mine" which is one of his new favorite words, I might add.
I asked him "What are you?" Now, every day, his vocabulary improves so I kind of expected him to say "mine" right back at me, but no! Not that one! He replied ...
Great! His mummy gives him a hug and he thinks he’s stuck. It was actually very funny and had me in hysterics! Stuck indeed!

On the cross

Our youth director was building a cross outside the church today while we were there. My daughter watched him from inside the lobby, and excitedly told me, "Look, mama! He’s building a cross!"
"Yes, honey, he is."
"Is Jesus going to die on it?"
Thank goodness he only had to do that once, right? But what a sweet reminder to be thankful that he already did.

Thanks, dad

As my oldest boy, almost four, held his new little sister for the first time, he looked up for the briefest of moments, smiled big, and said, "Thanks for buying this for me, dad!"


One morning during my Fat Dad years, when my daughter was about six, I came down the stairs wearing a ratty pair of shorts and no shirt. Flab hanging everywhere. Hair unkempt and outstretched heavenward. Jabba the Hut, if you need a mental image. Seeing her sitting on the couch, deep in some chapter book, I proclaimed myself ready for work and headed toward the door. She looked up, caught sight of me, and said, "Dad, you can’t go to work like that." I stopped in my tracks, feigned offense and ignorance, and asked her why not. She put her had on her hip, gave me that look, with her eyebrow raised and head cocked to the side, and calmly said, "You’ll gross people out and embarrass yourself."

One hand for the nose

3yo: Mira didn’t want to hold hands anymore today (at the school trip to a Provincial Park).
me: Why didn’t she want to hold hands?
3yo: (looking perplexed) She wants to hold the teacher’s hand.
me: Oh, that’s ok. Did you hold hands with another friend?
3yo: But mommy, one hand is for holding hands, and the other hand is for picking the nose!

Lets get this party started!

Out of the blue, my daughter got off the couch this afternoon and said ...
"I’ll be right back, Mom."
"Where are you going?"
"I’m just going to get this party started."