Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Unicorns drained the Murray

In Australia, the Murray River is a very large river system that has so much water sucked out of it by irrigators that it just doesn't flow at all by the time it reaches the sea. It is a major political issue as the river crosses several states.
Her: Mum, I know why the Murray River doesn't flow!
Me: oh?
Her: Yes! Unicorns drink it! Big herds of unicorns come down and drink all the water!
Me: I'll let the Government know so they can do something about it.
Her: You can't kill unicorns! Unless you stab them under the left eye.


I was sitting with the baby watching the rain. She was fascinated but couldn't quite say "rain". I told her it was stuff that makes the cat want to stay inside.
So she immediately started calling the rain "cat water".
Maybe the phrase "raining cats and dogs" was coined by a toddler?

Guide dogs

At the supermarket there is one of those large, plastic guide dogs with a money slot in its head.
My daughter decided she wants to live inside one of those when she grows up, living off the million dollar notes and chocolate coated money that people stick into the plastic dog. And how does she get locked into the dog? She'll ask her children to put her in there.

Too tall?

Random comment during breakfast:
"I'm in Dumbledore's new office. Its too tall for the electric blanket. So I need to change it's shape."

Broken hearted

Our middle son, who will turn four on Halloween, is quickly resurfacing from the depths of the terrible twos (and threes). He is silly, mischievous, and sweet-hearted at his very core. Every now and then, I’ll find him sitting on the couch, his bed, or his favorite bar stool: head hung low, mournful look monopolizing his face, sadness emanating from his very pores. Two mornings ago was one such occasion…
"Honey, what’s the matter? Why do you look so sad?" I inquired.
(big sigh) "It’s just that, my heart is broken," he replied.
(scooping him into my arms) "Why is your heart broken?"
(looking up at me with hang-dog eyes) "Because I love real dinosaurs sooo much, and I just miss them. That’s why my heart is broken."


This morning I put my son in the car then ran back inside to get something. He saw all the leaves that had blown into a pile overnight in our driveway. I heard him call out in an excited voice, "I found autumn!"

Time for ...

My son just walked up to me and announced, "Mom, I think it's a good day for mud wrestling!"

MY bum

My son was running away from his Nana last night and Nana informed him if he didn't get back here she was going to spank his bum. He then spun around, put his hands on his hips and informed her "Oh I don't think so Nana. That's MY BUM!"


"I'm growing tall because I get the hiccups a lot"

Little sister

My younger son, who just turned 4 last week, was playing with his cabbage patch doll the other day, pretending that it was a baby sister. He was being very sweet to the doll, and tells me that he wishes he had a real baby sister, but then adds: "one that doesn't eat, so she won't grow bigger".