Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.
You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!
Our youth director was building a cross outside the church today while we were there. My daughter watched him from inside the lobby, and excitedly told me, "Look, mama! He’s building a cross!"
"Yes, honey, he is."
"Is Jesus going to die on it?"
Thank goodness he only had to do that once, right? But what a sweet reminder to be thankful that he already did.
As my oldest boy, almost four, held his new little sister for the first time, he looked up for the briefest of moments, smiled big, and said, "Thanks for buying this for me, dad!"
One morning during my Fat Dad years, when my daughter was about six, I came down the stairs wearing a ratty pair of shorts and no shirt. Flab hanging everywhere. Hair unkempt and outstretched heavenward. Jabba the Hut, if you need a mental image. Seeing her sitting on the couch, deep in some chapter book, I proclaimed myself ready for work and headed toward the door. She looked up, caught sight of me, and said, "Dad, you can’t go to work like that." I stopped in my tracks, feigned offense and ignorance, and asked her why not. She put her had on her hip, gave me that look, with her eyebrow raised and head cocked to the side, and calmly said, "You’ll gross people out and embarrass yourself."
3yo: Mira didn’t want to hold hands anymore today (at the school trip to a Provincial Park).
me: Why didn’t she want to hold hands?
3yo: (looking perplexed) She wants to hold the teacher’s hand.
me: Oh, that’s ok. Did you hold hands with another friend?
3yo: But mommy, one hand is for holding hands, and the other hand is for picking the nose!
Out of the blue, my daughter got off the couch this afternoon and said ...
"I’ll be right back, Mom."
"Where are you going?"
"I’m just going to get this party started."
In Australia, the Murray River is a very large river system that has so much water sucked out of it by irrigators that it just doesn't flow at all by the time it reaches the sea. It is a major political issue as the river crosses several states.
Her: Mum, I know why the Murray River doesn't flow!
Me: oh?
Her: Yes! Unicorns drink it! Big herds of unicorns come down and drink all the water!
Me: I'll let the Government know so they can do something about it.
Her: You can't kill unicorns! Unless you stab them under the left eye.
I was sitting with the baby watching the rain. She was fascinated but couldn't quite say "rain". I told her it was stuff that makes the cat want to stay inside.
So she immediately started calling the rain "cat water".
Maybe the phrase "raining cats and dogs" was coined by a toddler?
At the supermarket there is one of those large, plastic guide dogs with a money slot in its head.
My daughter decided she wants to live inside one of those when she grows up, living off the million dollar notes and chocolate coated money that people stick into the plastic dog. And how does she get locked into the dog? She'll ask her children to put her in there.
Random comment during breakfast:
"I'm in Dumbledore's new office. Its too tall for the electric blanket. So I need to change it's shape."
Our middle son, who will turn four on Halloween, is quickly resurfacing from the depths of the terrible twos (and threes). He is silly, mischievous, and sweet-hearted at his very core. Every now and then, I’ll find him sitting on the couch, his bed, or his favorite bar stool: head hung low, mournful look monopolizing his face, sadness emanating from his very pores. Two mornings ago was one such occasion…
"Honey, what’s the matter? Why do you look so sad?" I inquired.
(big sigh) "It’s just that, my heart is broken," he replied.
(scooping him into my arms) "Why is your heart broken?"
(looking up at me with hang-dog eyes) "Because I love real dinosaurs sooo much, and I just miss them. That’s why my heart is broken."