Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.
You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!
We had the school disco last Friday, afterwards my daughter informed me that it wasn't really a disco.
Her: I liked the disco but it wasn't really a disco.
Me: What was it?
Her: It was a dance.
Me: I don't think there's much difference.
Her: There's cool dancing at a disco, but they had us doing the chicken dance, that's not cool.
She's got a point there.
Niece: (Points to cake on table) You really shouldn't leave chocolate cake just laying around where i can see it. I'm going to steal it and stick my fingers in it when nobody is looking.
My mom takes the cake and puts it in a different room.
Niece: I saw what room Grandma put the cake in. Now I can go stick my fingers in it and eat some.
Me: Well couldn't you just wait until after dinner and then have a whole big piece of cake and then you wouldn't even get in trouble for it?
Niece: (Big sigh) I guess so. But thinking about stealing some cake is this fun (holds arms wide apart), and thinking about having a piece of cake after dinner is this fun. (holds fingers apart a tiny bit)
The other night Ben did not want to go to sleep. I told him that this was fine, he could play quietly in his room instead. He said "I am not tired! I am going to play all night long!" Long pause. "I will be tired in the morning!"
It is very hot here (well, hot for where we live) and we have no air conditioning. Tonight, my girls really wanted me to perform a song for their dad with them. We had just come back from the pool, and I had taken off my suit and just put on a very light sundress with nothing underneath, since I was so miserably hot. I agreed to do the song with them and jokingly said, "Am I dressed appropriately?" to which my daughter quickly replied, "As long as you don't show your vagina."
I went and put on some underwear, just in case.
Son: Mommy? I want to be a boss kid when I get bigger.
Me: Oh yeah? What do you want to be the boss of?
Son: Of the whole world!
Me: ...
Son: Well, you and dada can still be the bosses with me.
My 2.5 year old niece was trying to roll up the carpet in the family room yesterday to play on the bare floor. The family dog was laying on the carpet, and was uninclined to move. After coaxing and pleading, she sighed, and said, "I'll just jump on her tail. That'll get her to move."
Fortunately for the dog, my mom suggested throwing a tennis ball instead.
Let me preface this by saying that I'm a childless 18 year old.
There's a movie viewing for everyone in my apartment complex tonight in the courtyard, so I went out by myself to watch it. A little boy around 5 or so was passing around snacks to everyone and after handing me a brownie went "Do you have any daughters or anything who would like some?" It cracked me up.
When I commented on how tall some flowers were growing, my daughter asked, "Are they perky? Are they full of perks?"
We went to a little Independence day celebration thing this morning and there were some firefighters there giving the kids a tour of their firetruck. This little boy jumped up in the seat and had the following conversation with a fireman:
boy: I sure wish I could be a firefighter and drive this truck!
ff: Well maybe you can someday when you get a little older.
boy: My birthday is in August! Then I will be older.
The fireman asked him how old he was and told him he'll have to have 13 more birthdays before he can drive the firetruck. The kid looked crushed.
As I was taking the kids over to my parents' house to drop them off for the day, my two boys were arguing about who has more blood.