Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Move the dog

My 2.5 year old niece was trying to roll up the carpet in the family room yesterday to play on the bare floor. The family dog was laying on the carpet, and was uninclined to move. After coaxing and pleading, she sighed, and said, "I'll just jump on her tail. That'll get her to move."
Fortunately for the dog, my mom suggested throwing a tennis ball instead.

For your children

Let me preface this by saying that I'm a childless 18 year old.
There's a movie viewing for everyone in my apartment complex tonight in the courtyard, so I went out by myself to watch it. A little boy around 5 or so was passing around snacks to everyone and after handing me a brownie went "Do you have any daughters or anything who would like some?" It cracked me up.


When I commented on how tall some flowers were growing, my daughter asked, "Are they perky? Are they full of perks?"

I want to be a fireman

We went to a little Independence day celebration thing this morning and there were some firefighters there giving the kids a tour of their firetruck. This little boy jumped up in the seat and had the following conversation with a fireman:
boy: I sure wish I could be a firefighter and drive this truck!
ff: Well maybe you can someday when you get a little older.
boy: My birthday is in August! Then I will be older.
The fireman asked him how old he was and told him he'll have to have 13 more birthdays before he can drive the firetruck. The kid looked crushed.

More blood

As I was taking the kids over to my parents' house to drop them off for the day, my two boys were arguing about who has more blood.

Sour cream

Son: "What did you make for dinner, Momma?"
Me: "Burritos. Well, burrito bowls. It has rice, beans, corn, some spices, cheese, and sour cream."
Son: "No! I don't like it!"
Me: "Yes, you do. You've had it before, and you like it just fine. Sit down."
Son: *starts to get weepy-sniffly voice* "I can't eat it! I don't like sour! I only like sweet!"
Me: *tries very hard not to snicker* "It doesn't really taste sour. That's just what it's called."
In the end, I ended up having him come into the kitchen with me, take a taste of the sour cream by itself, and then he was fine with it and ate the burrito without a problem.

Pee again

My youngest, who turned two about 3mos ago, still occasionally needs help getting her pants down in the restroom, so I frequently just go with her when she needs to go. Yesterday as I turned on the light in the room, it was obvious that one of my older boys had not only not lifted the seat, he'd not aimed well either, and there was quite a bit of pee all over the seat. Before I could holler at the boys to come clean it up, the 2-year-old heaved a big sigh and said, "Oh dang. They did it AGAIN."

No ants in MY pants

Earlier, Sean was being really squirmy while sitting in Daddy's lap. He wanted daddy's drink, he wanted to type on daddy's computer.. anything that daddy was doing, he wanted to do.
Finally, dad - getting frustrated - says, Sean! Do you have ants in your pants!?
Sean quickly looks pulls his pants down to show daddy and says calmly, "No, daddy. I do not have ants in my pants!"

Centre of the world

Daddy: just so you know, the world does not revolve around you.
Daughter: ! No, Dad, you're just saying a joke. Hahaha! You're funny, Daddy.

Biting zombies

My son likes to pick up the 'Day of the dead' DVD and tell the zombie on the back 'NO BITING.'