Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Nose hair

Him: "Grandpa, you have hair in your nose."
Me: "Everybody has hair in their nose."
Him: "But you have a lot of hair in your nose."
Me: "Well, it's not growing on top of my head very well. I have to grow it somewhere."
Him: (thoughtful pause) "Do you want me to pull some of it out for you?"


When my daughter was about 3 she had a cold and was using a humidifier at night. Well when I was trying to rinse it out in the sink (it was a large humidifier), my 2 year old son came by and asked me what that was. I didn't think he would understand how and why it worked so I just told him that it was for his sister's runny nose. After a long pause I thought he had just accepted my answer. But then he asked me "how are you going to fit that in her nose?"

Tough steak

I usually buy good steak if I'm going to buy it, but one time I bought the cheap steak. Well my son was eating and I could see this look on his face, so I asked him what was wrong. He told me "I keep chewing the steak but it won't go away"


"mom why am I grounded"
"because you are being a butthead"
"When can I be un grounded"
"when you're not a butthead"
"but mom that could be forever" (no lie)

Dead people

We were at the cemetary, and some of the graves had little glass domes on them, which presumably once held flowers. My daughter was fascinated by them, and asked "mum, is that where they put the heads?"


5 yo: what is turkey made out of?
Me: Turkeys
Me: Yep
5 yo: Everybody STOP eating the used to be a turkey!!
A funny addition to that story is that she also stopped eating the Puffins cereal because I could not convince her that it was never a puffin bird.

Black and white

After I picked my daughter up from her first day of Kindergarten, I asked her how her day was- "Fine", she said. I asked her if she had made any friends - and she told me that she had met a "Nice chocolate girl". I couldn't help but laugh and be mortified at the same time. I don't know why she called the girl chocolate, but then I had to explain that people don't come in flavors! LOL!


My daughter asked "Is Christmas for celebrating baby Jesus?" to which I replied "yes". She screwed up her nose and said "but he's DEAD"

Pads and tampons

While walking down that isle in the supermarket, she said "My mum uses them, she puts them in her knickers"


"Boobies are big lumps of skin with brown bits at the end. Why do girls get them and not boys?"