Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!


My friend teaches kindergarten and she told me about the family portrait that one of her students drew. In her drawing there were two larger, presumably parental figures next to her. One had long hair, and one had short hair, but they both had mustaches. When my friend asked her who the long haired one was, the little girl explained that it was her mommy, and her Mommy has a mustache, but she shaves it every morning.


My twelve year old son recently asked me if the top of our ceiling fan was carpeted. It was a little dusty.

Getting old

"I'm glad I'm finally eight. This is the oldest I've ever been in my entire life!"


When his mother asked how his father knew the genders of four new baby kittens, he said: "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath. I think it's printed on the bottom."


"Mommy, you said it would be a shot; instead it was a needle!"

Nose hair

Him: "Grandpa, you have hair in your nose."
Me: "Everybody has hair in their nose."
Him: "But you have a lot of hair in your nose."
Me: "Well, it's not growing on top of my head very well. I have to grow it somewhere."
Him: (thoughtful pause) "Do you want me to pull some of it out for you?"


When my daughter was about 3 she had a cold and was using a humidifier at night. Well when I was trying to rinse it out in the sink (it was a large humidifier), my 2 year old son came by and asked me what that was. I didn't think he would understand how and why it worked so I just told him that it was for his sister's runny nose. After a long pause I thought he had just accepted my answer. But then he asked me "how are you going to fit that in her nose?"

Tough steak

I usually buy good steak if I'm going to buy it, but one time I bought the cheap steak. Well my son was eating and I could see this look on his face, so I asked him what was wrong. He told me "I keep chewing the steak but it won't go away"


"mom why am I grounded"
"because you are being a butthead"
"When can I be un grounded"
"when you're not a butthead"
"but mom that could be forever" (no lie)

Black and white

After I picked my daughter up from her first day of Kindergarten, I asked her how her day was- "Fine", she said. I asked her if she had made any friends - and she told me that she had met a "Nice chocolate girl". I couldn't help but laugh and be mortified at the same time. I don't know why she called the girl chocolate, but then I had to explain that people don't come in flavors! LOL!