Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.


You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Empty wardrobe

"If you had a baby, you could make a bed in the cupboard and put them to sleep. Make a nice bed in there and then shut the door. Babies cry a lot you know mum. If you shut the door you won't hear them." Of course our response as responsible parents was to tell her that if anyone was going to be locked in the wardrobe where we can't hear them, it would be HER.

Dreams

I had stories in my eyes last night!

Masturbation

When I sit like this and wriggle, my crotch gets excited.

Wedding

Is that when mommy came to work for us?

Thunder

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

Mushrooms

Mushrooms always grow in damp places, which is why they look like umbrellas.

Neutered

We took my dog to the vet once. She got neutered. It means she can't have puppies. We got my mom neutered too.

Penis

Little boys have a little dick, and bigger boys have a bigger dick, and adults have a dick with fur on!!!

Sitting

When asked to sit with her legs closed she claimed "my legs weren't made to be closed."

Pages