Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.


You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Straight answer

I had the most frustrating conversation with my daughter this morning.
Me: "Did you give that letter to Danielle?"
Her: "I can't remember"
Me: "Why not?"
Her: "I was dreaming about the letter and I can't remember what I did"
Me: "You were dreaming at school?"
Her: "No, this was in the night time"
Me: "You were supposed to give her the letter at school yesterday"
Her: "But I don't know what happened to the letter"
Me: "Well, do you still have the letter in your bag?"
Her: "No" Me: "So where is it?"
Her: "I gave it to Danielle"
At this point I have to try to resist the urge to strangle her ...

Colour coordination

"All my towels are pink. Your towels are all different colours. When you get a towel for me, you can choose any colour as long as it's pink!"

Jaws

When discussing with my neice animal noises she asked what noise a shark makes. I told her that sharks didn't make noises. "Yes they do" she argued. "They say DU DUM DU DUM DU DUM"

Snot snacks

"If there are no snacks, and there is no food in the house, that's ok because I can just pick my nose and eat some snot. I love snot!"

Empty wardrobe

"If you had a baby, you could make a bed in the cupboard and put them to sleep. Make a nice bed in there and then shut the door. Babies cry a lot you know mum. If you shut the door you won't hear them." Of course our response as responsible parents was to tell her that if anyone was going to be locked in the wardrobe where we can't hear them, it would be HER.

Dreams

I had stories in my eyes last night!

Masturbation

When I sit like this and wriggle, my crotch gets excited.

Wedding

Is that when mommy came to work for us?

Thunder

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

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