Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Greater than or equal to

Her: "How many days are there in a year?"
Me: "Usually 365"
Her: "That's way too many."
Me: "Well, sometimes there are 366"
Her: "No way! I can't even count that high! I can only count to a million!"


We were watching America's next top model and my daughter said to me:
"Mom, why don't you look like them?"


Overheard between two little girls
Girl 1: "Wow, you know so much"
Girl 2: "No, I only know half of the things in the world".

Where's your bottom?

We have a little girl in our pre school who is a real fidget, she is always being told to put her bottom on the chair, floor or wherever it should be. (I'm sure you get the picture !) One day when she was partcularly jumpy, the supervisor said to her "where's your bottom supposed to be ?" The little girl looked at her for a minute and said "In my pants !!!"


Can you turn the dark off please?

Different sayings

The reason why my son say putter-pullers is because he uses them to push his swing!


We were driving to dinner with our 5 year old in the back when she announced with great excitement that she had an ear whack. I turned around to find it was ear wax. I corrected her but she insisted that "no it's only one bit so it's an ear whack, if it was two it would be wax". So now she asks me to clean her ears to make sure she doesn't have any ear whacks in them.


My three-year-old pooped in her plastic potty and then remarked, "Look, my poop made a letter so that I can learn to spell." It was an "A" and it retained its shape when I dumped it in the big toilet which we both found delightful.

Talking flowers

The summer my daughter was three she came running upstairs so excited to tell me
"Mommy! the flowers *talk*!!!"
I asked what they said...
"They said they don't have a problem with anything"
She ran back down and outdoors singing.


My son tells my husband, "Daddy? I want a haircut just like yours. Do you shave your forehead?"