Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!


My son was at a friend's wedding. When they were getting ready to toast the bride and groom, he shouted "I don't want toast, I want my cooked dinner!"

Vegetarian virgin

My daughter then aged 10 decided to go vegetarian. Lunchtime at school the dinnerlady tried to put some meat on her plate, to which she replied, "no thank you im a virgin".

Fish food

While shopping with my 3 yr old daughter she said, "what's that you are looking at mummy?" I told her it was sea food, she replied, "oh, stuff that dolphins eat"


My 3-year old godson was running around my house causing havoc and I told him that he was "full of beans". He stopped and corrected me with, "No, I'm not full of beans. I'm full of bones."


"Dad - did you just FART?!!!"
My son said exclaimed this loudly in a Best buy store on a veeeeeeeery busy day when he was about 4 years old!
Many heads turned...many embarrassed dad! (he had farted!)


My friend teaches kindergarten and she told me about the family portrait that one of her students drew. In her drawing there were two larger, presumably parental figures next to her. One had long hair, and one had short hair, but they both had mustaches. When my friend asked her who the long haired one was, the little girl explained that it was her mommy, and her Mommy has a mustache, but she shaves it every morning.


My twelve year old son recently asked me if the top of our ceiling fan was carpeted. It was a little dusty.

Getting old

"I'm glad I'm finally eight. This is the oldest I've ever been in my entire life!"


When his mother asked how his father knew the genders of four new baby kittens, he said: "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath. I think it's printed on the bottom."


"Mommy, you said it would be a shot; instead it was a needle!"