Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!


My 6 yo told me the other day that she wanted me to put a baby in my belly. I told her that she would not be the baby of the family anymore, the baby would eat her Polly Pockets, would cry all night, would be stinky, etc.. anything to get that thought out of her head! She said "that's ok Mom, I'll just sell the baby if it gets into my stuff" I told her she would go to jail and she said "Oh, I'll let you and Dad do it for me!"

Calf or pony?

Living in the country we knew that one day raising cattle would become a part of our lives. Our daughter as many other kids begged us time and time again for a lil calf. Her daddy sat her down and explained that we were not rich folks and that if we were to buy a calf one day it would have to be taken to market. She sat there with such a lil sad face, when all of a sudden she jumps off his lap and declares she wanted a pony then since we wouldn't be able to eat that one.


What's the difference between a fish finger and an ice cream ?", my 4 year old daughter asked recently. "I don't know", I answered.
"Then you're not very intelligent are you", she replied.


"I must buy some budgie seed" I said whilst out shopping. "Oooh !" said my 3 year old son. "If you plant them, will budgies grow ?"

Bob the fork

Last night we were in the van, and I handed Declan a plate of food and a fork to eat on the way. He asked me "What is this?" and I said "it's lasagna" but then he held up the fork and said "No, what is this?"
"a fork"
"No, what's its real name?"
"but what's it's real name?"
"it's really called a fork!"
"No, I don't mean that! What's its REAL name?!?"
Mairead breaks in from the wayback seat and says "Bob"
Declan: "oh, Bob? cool."


My son was at a friend's wedding. When they were getting ready to toast the bride and groom, he shouted "I don't want toast, I want my cooked dinner!"

Vegetarian virgin

My daughter then aged 10 decided to go vegetarian. Lunchtime at school the dinnerlady tried to put some meat on her plate, to which she replied, "no thank you im a virgin".

Fish food

While shopping with my 3 yr old daughter she said, "what's that you are looking at mummy?" I told her it was sea food, she replied, "oh, stuff that dolphins eat"


My 3-year old godson was running around my house causing havoc and I told him that he was "full of beans". He stopped and corrected me with, "No, I'm not full of beans. I'm full of bones."


"Dad - did you just FART?!!!"
My son said exclaimed this loudly in a Best buy store on a veeeeeeeery busy day when he was about 4 years old!
Many heads turned...many embarrassed dad! (he had farted!)