Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Getting old and fat

"When you are an adult, you stop growing up and start growing out. Then you get bigger and bigger until you are as fat as the whole world!"

Nose picking

"I'm not picking my nose, I'm sharpening my finger!"

Energy rating

My daughter pointed at the energy rating on the fridge - the one that gives you 5 stars if its good - and asks me "Mum, does that say 'angry eating'?"

Dog or leopard?

A kindergarten student was so excited to tell me that he got a new dog. "I got a new dog!" "Oh!, how wonderful! What kind?" I said. "a Sherman Leopard!" Needless to say, I lost it and gave him a big hug and found him a book about German Shepherds!


We are now studying contractions. One of my kids raised his hand and said, "So there are two contraptions - one you create, and one you put an apostrophe in."

Toilet water

A young boy in my pre-k class was caught coming up dripping from putting his head in the toilet. I asked him why did you do that and he replied "I don't know but I didn't drink any"


"Have you seen my gloves? They are pink, and they are kind of shaped like my hand."


In the supermarket in the feminine products aisle. My husband trying to remember which tampons I wanted. My son said to the woman next to them, "My mom's got blood again, and my dad doesn't know which stuff to get to stop it."

Staying home

"Why do I have to go to school when I'm never leaving home anyway?"


My nephew when he was four years old went swimming at the local pool with my husband, son and his father. They went into the men's locker room. There my nephew looked around in awe of all the naked men, after all he had never seen so many at one time before. He was especially fixated on one man right next to his father. He looked at his dad and asked, "Why is his penis sooooooo much bigger than yours daddy?" His dad, now beet red of course, answered, "God gives some men more than others, we are all different." My nephew then said, "I guess you didn't pray that much when you were a kid, did you dad?" With that everyone within earshot cracked up.