Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!


My daughter who was 6 at the time asked me if she had been christened.... I explained that she had not because when she is older she can choose what religion she wants to be.. I said you can be a christian, a catholic anything you want... Her reply "oh great Mummy I 'm going to be a princess !"

Solar Power

"you know it comes from those roof windows so we don't waste electricity"

Squirrel or dog?

I remember taking my youngest to the park one day and while we were there a squirrel appeared. Now at that stage she had only seen cats, dogs, cows and horses and you could practically hear the wheels grinding away in her brain. Which one is it?
Eventually she came to a decision and, much to the delight of all around, she pointed at the squirrel and shouted, "Doggie!"
The squirrel was not impressed.

Cut my hair long

Scene: My daughter at age three during her first hair cut. She had shoulder length hair. She sat in the chair and asked the hair stylist:
"Could you cut my hair so that it goes down to my butt?"


Long story short my son was about 3 and found out that his best pall Breanna was a girl and girls dont have a penis. That was the reason she sat to go pee-pee. We were out fishing at a lake. Well he was so hurt and I explained that ALL women dont have a penis instead we have what we have. Well he thought on it a minute and asked the above.
"Well can we just go and buy her a penis mom?"


My 6 yo told me the other day that she wanted me to put a baby in my belly. I told her that she would not be the baby of the family anymore, the baby would eat her Polly Pockets, would cry all night, would be stinky, etc.. anything to get that thought out of her head! She said "that's ok Mom, I'll just sell the baby if it gets into my stuff" I told her she would go to jail and she said "Oh, I'll let you and Dad do it for me!"

Calf or pony?

Living in the country we knew that one day raising cattle would become a part of our lives. Our daughter as many other kids begged us time and time again for a lil calf. Her daddy sat her down and explained that we were not rich folks and that if we were to buy a calf one day it would have to be taken to market. She sat there with such a lil sad face, when all of a sudden she jumps off his lap and declares she wanted a pony then since we wouldn't be able to eat that one.


What's the difference between a fish finger and an ice cream ?", my 4 year old daughter asked recently. "I don't know", I answered.
"Then you're not very intelligent are you", she replied.


"I must buy some budgie seed" I said whilst out shopping. "Oooh !" said my 3 year old son. "If you plant them, will budgies grow ?"

Bob the fork

Last night we were in the van, and I handed Declan a plate of food and a fork to eat on the way. He asked me "What is this?" and I said "it's lasagna" but then he held up the fork and said "No, what is this?"
"a fork"
"No, what's its real name?"
"but what's it's real name?"
"it's really called a fork!"
"No, I don't mean that! What's its REAL name?!?"
Mairead breaks in from the wayback seat and says "Bob"
Declan: "oh, Bob? cool."