Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!


We are now studying contractions. One of my kids raised his hand and said, "So there are two contraptions - one you create, and one you put an apostrophe in."

Toilet water

A young boy in my pre-k class was caught coming up dripping from putting his head in the toilet. I asked him why did you do that and he replied "I don't know but I didn't drink any"


"Have you seen my gloves? They are pink, and they are kind of shaped like my hand."

Staying home

"Why do I have to go to school when I'm never leaving home anyway?"


My nephew when he was four years old went swimming at the local pool with my husband, son and his father. They went into the men's locker room. There my nephew looked around in awe of all the naked men, after all he had never seen so many at one time before. He was especially fixated on one man right next to his father. He looked at his dad and asked, "Why is his penis sooooooo much bigger than yours daddy?" His dad, now beet red of course, answered, "God gives some men more than others, we are all different." My nephew then said, "I guess you didn't pray that much when you were a kid, did you dad?" With that everyone within earshot cracked up.


My daughter who was 6 at the time asked me if she had been christened.... I explained that she had not because when she is older she can choose what religion she wants to be.. I said you can be a christian, a catholic anything you want... Her reply "oh great Mummy I 'm going to be a princess !"


In the supermarket in the feminine products aisle. My husband trying to remember which tampons I wanted. My son said to the woman next to them, "My mom's got blood again, and my dad doesn't know which stuff to get to stop it."

Squirrel or dog?

I remember taking my youngest to the park one day and while we were there a squirrel appeared. Now at that stage she had only seen cats, dogs, cows and horses and you could practically hear the wheels grinding away in her brain. Which one is it?
Eventually she came to a decision and, much to the delight of all around, she pointed at the squirrel and shouted, "Doggie!"
The squirrel was not impressed.

Cut my hair long

Scene: My daughter at age three during her first hair cut. She had shoulder length hair. She sat in the chair and asked the hair stylist:
"Could you cut my hair so that it goes down to my butt?"


Long story short my son was about 3 and found out that his best pall Breanna was a girl and girls dont have a penis. That was the reason she sat to go pee-pee. We were out fishing at a lake. Well he was so hurt and I explained that ALL women dont have a penis instead we have what we have. Well he thought on it a minute and asked the above.
"Well can we just go and buy her a penis mom?"