Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Static electricity

"I combed my hair, and I keeped combing it, and every time my hair went up and up and UP until it filled the whole room!"


"There are no split bones in your head, not like your arm", she said, referring to how your arms bend at the elbow and your head doesn't.


When my daughter had been in the bath too long, she would say that she had "winky fingers!". So cute.

Mortal Wounding

"The worsest injury you can get is a double blood nose, a split lip and a broken arm. You'd die from that for sure."

Big feet

Josiah was industriously walking a line toe to heel and counting under his breath. When he got to seven, he announced, "I saw a snake seven feet long yesterday!". Thats 2 and a half feet long when you don't have such small feet.

Straight answer

I had the most frustrating conversation with my daughter this morning.
Me: "Did you give that letter to Danielle?"
Her: "I can't remember"
Me: "Why not?"
Her: "I was dreaming about the letter and I can't remember what I did"
Me: "You were dreaming at school?"
Her: "No, this was in the night time"
Me: "You were supposed to give her the letter at school yesterday"
Her: "But I don't know what happened to the letter"
Me: "Well, do you still have the letter in your bag?"
Her: "No" Me: "So where is it?"
Her: "I gave it to Danielle"
At this point I have to try to resist the urge to strangle her ...

Colour coordination

"All my towels are pink. Your towels are all different colours. When you get a towel for me, you can choose any colour as long as it's pink!"


When discussing with my neice animal noises she asked what noise a shark makes. I told her that sharks didn't make noises. "Yes they do" she argued. "They say DU DUM DU DUM DU DUM"

Snot snacks

"If there are no snacks, and there is no food in the house, that's ok because I can just pick my nose and eat some snot. I love snot!"