Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Dead people

We were at the cemetary, and some of the graves had little glass domes on them, which presumably once held flowers. My daughter was fascinated by them, and asked "mum, is that where they put the heads?"


5 yo: what is turkey made out of?
Me: Turkeys
Me: Yep
5 yo: Everybody STOP eating the used to be a turkey!!
A funny addition to that story is that she also stopped eating the Puffins cereal because I could not convince her that it was never a puffin bird.


My daughter asked "Is Christmas for celebrating baby Jesus?" to which I replied "yes". She screwed up her nose and said "but he's DEAD"

Pads and tampons

While walking down that isle in the supermarket, she said "My mum uses them, she puts them in her knickers"


"Boobies are big lumps of skin with brown bits at the end. Why do girls get them and not boys?"

Static electricity

"I combed my hair, and I keeped combing it, and every time my hair went up and up and UP until it filled the whole room!"


"There are no split bones in your head, not like your arm", she said, referring to how your arms bend at the elbow and your head doesn't.


When my daughter had been in the bath too long, she would say that she had "winky fingers!". So cute.

Mortal Wounding

"The worsest injury you can get is a double blood nose, a split lip and a broken arm. You'd die from that for sure."

Big feet

Josiah was industriously walking a line toe to heel and counting under his breath. When he got to seven, he announced, "I saw a snake seven feet long yesterday!". Thats 2 and a half feet long when you don't have such small feet.