Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!


Mushrooms always grow in damp places, which is why they look like umbrellas.


We took my dog to the vet once. She got neutered. It means she can't have puppies. We got my mom neutered too.


Little boys have a little dick, and bigger boys have a bigger dick, and adults have a dick with fur on!!!


When asked to sit with her legs closed she claimed "my legs weren't made to be closed."


"Mum, I know what dairy milk chocolate means. It means there's milk in it!"
"Yes, and dark chocolate doesn't have milk in it."
"Thats because it's made out of poo!"

Being sick

When asked if he is sick, he replied "No I'm not sick, my batteries have just runned out"

Double bed

Clinton was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mum asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"


Tammy was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"