Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

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Before finding out the sex of my third child, my 8 year old asked, "if it's a boy can we take it back?"


My son is fascinated with nipples. To his grandmother he said, "you have big nipples." To me he said, "you have hairy nipples."
All these things are true.


Yesterday as we're driving home...
X: Mommy, look! An aliens!
Me: An alien? where?
X: No an Aliens! with the lights!
Me: (looking around for what he could possibly be talking about) OH...the Ambulance?
X: YES! The aliens!
I love these mispronunciations sometimes.

Where cats go

Our cat Critter passed away a few weeks ago, so when my five year old daughter came home she asked 'where's Critter mommy?' I had let her know that he had passed on, so she kinda looked around the house and I watched her. Then she turned and looked at me and said 'mommy? did you give Critter to heaven?', I just thought it was cute.


My son told me he needed some medicine because he "bless you'd" at school today.

I'm driving

We went out to a friends birthday dinner Sunday evening. While we're driving, my son spots an overpass and decides he wants to "go that way, go under the bridge." I say we can't because I have to drive the other way. He says "I want to drive the car Mommy!"

No penis?

I was taking a shower and my son who was 3 at the time turned around and saw me before I could hurry up and put the towel around me. He asked me, "Why don't you have a pee-pee like me and daddy?" So I told him that girls don't have pee-pees like boy's. So he looked at me and said,"Well I'll tell daddy to buy you one".


My daughter just walked up to me and said, "My hiccups are gone. See?" And then opened her mouth really wide.


My daughter once told me she had a magic station. It took a while to figure out that she meant imagination.


Me: Do you want breakfast?
My son: Obviously.
He's three and a half.