Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!


I have realllllly long skinny toes and I was asked why God put fingers on my feet.

Throwing up

My daughter, at age 3, after watching her brother throw up, asked me, "Mommy - what he do?" I said, "He threw up." She said, "Did you tell him he could do that?"

Choosing the sex

When i told my 4 year old the new baby was gonna be a boy, he said, "no, I have a baby and mine's a boy, yours is a girl!!"


My 5-year old boy wanted to try mouthwash. So, I put a little bit in a paper cup for him and told him to just swish it around in his mouth and then spit it out. I warned, "but don't swallow it or you'll throw up...".
So, sure enough - he swallowed it. Leave it to kids.
He didn't say anything for about 5 seconds, but he had this really worried look on his face. Then he said in a very worried little voice, "Am I going to throw up now?"


My son calls hangers "hookers". He's always very vocal about how many "hookers" are in the store when we are shopping.

Bubble farts

My son was in the tub last night and said "mommy I tooted bubbles"!!!!

How rude

My son when 3 at Christmas time recieved a sweater from my grandmother. He threw it, pointed at her and said "And don't you ever, ever buy me clothes presents again"!


We were fishing about a month ago. We were driving down the road in silence when out of nowhere, my son yells "Oh my God, a cactus!!" I thought it was so funny because we live in the desert and there are cacti everywhere!


I went to pick up my eldest, Marcus, from pre-school, and when I entered the room, he was sitting underneath a table playing "Indians" with his good friend Christian (who obviously was the Chief).
Christian grabbed a small wooden stick lying on the floor and whispered loudly: "I have a knife!"
Marcus looked at him for a very long moment, as if not knowing quite how to respond", and then he slowly picked another small wooden stick, and said: "I have a fork!"
I managed to keep a straight face......for about 25 seconds!

Behaviour break

My daughter just got out of a time out for putting the cat's food in his water dish. So she comes out of her room afterward and announces that she's "done behaving".