Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Brainy boobs

I was having a conversation with a four year about brains. I told him that brains were in your head, and he goes "No they're not! They're here!" And then he squeezed my right boob.


At the rib fest today, which I'm told is the 2nd largest rib competition in North America, so picture a big park full of contestants selling ribs. My 5 yr.old nephew turns to me and says, "This place doesn't have much of a selection". LOL.

No wedding for you

Oh I have thought of another one that my son has said.
His father and I got married last year. Well we were having trouble with one of my bridesmaids and my husband was fed up with her and pretty much threw her out of the wedding party. Well he gave her one last chance to redeem herself and said if she didn't make it to the rehearsal at the church then she better not show up to the wedding the next day because he wouldn't marry me. Well she called me and told me that she had tried calling my MOH's cell (which she did because the phone rang but MOH hung up and turned off the phone) wanting to see if we were still at the church because she didn't know how long it would take and how to get there. I felt bad and told her she could still come and be a part of the wedding and told hubby. He was a little more than pissed and still insisted that he wouldn't marry me if she was there. Well we got to the church before him because he was late ( another story all together) and my son had come downstairs to see me. He looked up at my bridesmaid and said " My daddy said he wasn't going to marry my mommy if you were here"
She looked terrified and asked me if she should leave and if he was really serious. I told her not to worry about it and it would be fine. He ended up being 40 min late for the ceremony so I was a little more than freaked. But how my son said it to her was absolutely priceless.

Singing daddy

My daughter to her daddy: "Stop singing Daddy. It hurts people's ears."

Fly right

When my niece was 3 years old I told her to straighten up and fly right because she was being a handful that day. She looked up at me and in the most serious tone said "but I dont have any wings"

Stuck poop

So my son is going through a tough time where he thinks that his parents are leaving him. Like he can't stand to be more than five feet away from them.
So his dad takes him to poop and he says, "daddy wait for me! My poopy's stuck!"

Slow pooper

I have a dawdler, he'll sit on the toilet forever... and I tried to rush him the other day it was:
"Mommy!! Why won't you let me poop!"

I love you

My 5yo son has a tendency to grab hold of someone and try and plant a sloppy kiss on their cheek and then proceeds to say "I fell in love with you"

Church Jeopardy

My son is watching Jeopardy, and answered correctly a biblical question. He then shouts, "Church works!" as if the whole purpose of church is to learn things in order to be able to correctly answer Jeopardy questions.

Hold on

My daughter was sitting in her car seat in the back of the car, She suddenly had to use the bathroom, so I said to her " Hold on honey, just pinch your cheeks together until I find a place to stop" I turned around to look at her and she was sitting there squeezing her face and cheeks as hard as she could. Wrong cheeks