Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!


Her, looking at the tomato plants: Look Mommy, baby tomatoes!
Me: Yep, when they turn red, we can eat them.
Her, 20 minutes later: Mommy, are those tomatoes red yet?


I caught my six year old son lying to his mother. I explained what a lie is and told him that if he did it again I would make him eat soap. My three year old daughter was standing beside my wife's chair and upon hearing the threat she said, "I'll get the soap!!" and happily headed to the bathroom.

Pick a sister

Telling my 8 year old the new baby is a boy and not to worry we will try for a sister next time, "so can i come with you to the hospital to pick it out? or do we go the doctor's to go do that?"


My daughter has somehow arrived at the conclusion that tasty = bad. Whenever she doesn't want to finish eating or drinking something she says, "It's too tasty."


One day I took a friend's little 4 year old daughter to the zoo. This friend is very overweight, but her daughter is not. When we got to the elephants the little girl stood watching for quite a long time and seemed to be fascinated with them. Then all of a sudden she turned to me and stated "My mummy is an elephant".

Stinky breath

A Listerine Pocket Packs commercial was on and when it was over, my son turned to me and said "I want that for my daddy." I said "Why?" and she answered "Cause his breath is stinky."

Baby bandaids

Earlier today I'd cut my toe open banging it into something. I'm a clutz sometimes. Anyway, I went and cleaned it off and put a bandaid on it before it bled all over my new sandals - the bandaids I found first were my daughter's Care Bear bandaids. I didn't think she had noticed until several hours later she was taking a bath and pointed out an "imaginary boo boo" and said, "Can you take my bandage off of your toe now so I can use it?" Just so wrong on many levels.

Work is optional

My 5 year old daughter told me that she didn't wanna go to school today, so I told her "I don't wanna go to work , but I have to". She said "no you don't, you're the mom, and if you don't want to you don't have to."

No underwear

My son is now 7. When he was 5 he was outside with his dad. Somehow a conversation started between my husband and another tenant from the building. She was really tall about 6 feet and was wearing a short skirt. My son is very friendly and ran up and was talking to her. She was talking to him and he went to hug her legs. My husband said our son got a strange look on his face and looked over at him. My husband asked him what was wrong and our son says "Daddy why isn't she wearing underwear?"
My husband said the girl went about 6 shades of red and quickly took off and he was trying not to laugh. I ran into her a couple of days later during a fire alarm and was wondering why she was pointing at my son and whispering to her friend.

Mouth farts

*burp* Oh 'scuse me; I farted in my mouth.