Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.


You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Imaginary bigger

Four years ago. My daughter 2.5 and son 4.5yo. Morning, me and the kids are playing birthday party. We are having lots of singing and blowing fake candles on a fake birthday cake. At the end I pretend cutting the cake and putting on my kids plates imaginary pieces. My son (always jealous that his sister has everything better that him) is saying to my daughter: "oh, you have got a bigger piece, let's swap the plates"

Nutrigrain

My 3yo wanted nutri-grain for breakfast – which isn't the easiest word for a 3yo to say. He was saying some word I could not for the life of me work out so I asked him what does it look like.
He said it was the colour of nanna's dog with 3 holes in it. I immediately knew what he meant!

Marriage and divorce

My daughter was trying to get me to get married.
"If you get married, you need to get the divorce as well. If I got married, I'd get the divorce just before I died so he doesn't have to worry about me."

Mouse friends

Our cat brings in mice to play with before she eats them on a fairly regular basis. Last night we were all sitting in the hallway watching the cat, and the mouse ran away from the cat and hid next to our toddler.
Toddler declares the mouse to be her "friend", and after the cat ate the mouse she went around looking for her "mouse friend".

Saws

I was wanting to prune a tree outside and couldn't find my pruning saw, so I was muttering to myself "where's my saw".
My toddler went rushing off inside and came back with two dinosaurs. She declared "Saurs! I found it! Saurs!"
Not quite what I needed, but she was trying to help :)

Boobies

My toddler brought the junk mail inside. She put it all on the table but a catalogue of "boobies" that she gave to me. It was a bra catalogue.
I'm breastfeeding, so my boobies are quite a point of conversation in this house :)

Driving naked

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!"

Into the hole he goes

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn ……and into the hole he gooooes."

Little brother

My toddler has a new little brother. She's very cute with him. When I am trying to feed him, she'll come up, give him a big hug and announce "I WUV the baby!"

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You can also view 5 random quotes or the full list.