Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!


I was wanting to prune a tree outside and couldn't find my pruning saw, so I was muttering to myself "where's my saw".
My toddler went rushing off inside and came back with two dinosaurs. She declared "Saurs! I found it! Saurs!"
Not quite what I needed, but she was trying to help :)

Sore toe

Our toddler fell over outside and came in with a bleeding toe. Once she'd calmed down, she described what happened:
"I falled over outside. My toe got blood. Is red! I got sad."

Driving naked

I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn’t wearing a seat belt!"

Into the hole he goes

While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister’s son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather, and unto the Sonnn ……and into the hole he gooooes."

Little brother

My toddler has a new little brother. She's very cute with him. When I am trying to feed him, she'll come up, give him a big hug and announce "I WUV the baby!"


My 2yo has started telling stories. They are cute.
She always tells us in the evening that it is "getting dark soon" and when she wakes up early we tell her it "isn't morning yet" so she told us how the day progresses - "Dark dark dark morning morning morning the end!"
She also thought going to the doctor was fun. (it was for her baby brother but they have toys there so its still fun)
"Once upon a time I went to the doctor the end!"
Now updated to:
"Once upon a time a little girl went to the doctor the end!"

I'm Not As Silly As You Might Think.

Some years ago, Pam, a family friend, used to clean the house and look after the local Chemists children. The youngest was looking at herself in the mirror and Pam said, "Look at that little girl, she's wearing a pretty dress just like yours". Whereupon Clare looked up at her somewhat askance and says, "Don't be silly Pammy, that's just my infection"

Being a TV

We have TV set up through a computer with a TV-out card. This morning, the computer rebooted for no apparent reason (not unheard of for a Windows computer).
Our toddler got very upset and complained "The TV is being a pooter!"


Our toddler opened the fridge and noticed we have bananas. She announced:
"Got nanas! Nanas so good! Nanas so good in my tummy!"


I get woken up each day by a small person saying "I'm back! It's very morning!"