Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.


You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Stories

My 2yo has started telling stories. They are cute.
She always tells us in the evening that it is "getting dark soon" and when she wakes up early we tell her it "isn't morning yet" so she told us how the day progresses - "Dark dark dark morning morning morning the end!"
She also thought going to the doctor was fun. (it was for her baby brother but they have toys there so its still fun)
"Once upon a time I went to the doctor the end!"
Now updated to:
"Once upon a time a little girl went to the doctor the end!"

I'm Not As Silly As You Might Think.

Some years ago, Pam, a family friend, used to clean the house and look after the local Chemists children. The youngest was looking at herself in the mirror and Pam said, "Look at that little girl, she's wearing a pretty dress just like yours". Whereupon Clare looked up at her somewhat askance and says, "Don't be silly Pammy, that's just my infection"

Being a TV

We have TV set up through a computer with a TV-out card. This morning, the computer rebooted for no apparent reason (not unheard of for a Windows computer).
Our toddler got very upset and complained "The TV is being a pooter!"

Bananas

Our toddler opened the fridge and noticed we have bananas. She announced:
"Got nanas! Nanas so good! Nanas so good in my tummy!"

Sore toe

Our toddler fell over outside and came in with a bleeding toe. Once she'd calmed down, she described what happened:
"I falled over outside. My toe got blood. Is red! I got sad."

Morning

I get woken up each day by a small person saying "I'm back! It's very morning!"

Tastes good

I was looking at my roses, and they had aphids all over the new flower buds. I said "this is the problem with roses, they taste good".
My toddler piped up with:
"Tastes good in my mouth! Tastes good in Aisha's mouth too!"

Telling the cat

My toddler went up to the cat this evening, pointed at her, and said in her best bossy voice
"You need to say 'meow' now".
The cat did not oblige.

Ate the family

I was julienning some carrots the other day and my toddler was demanding bits of carrot. Then she started naming them after people in the family, so I was giving her bits of carrot cut to size - she was a short bit of carrot, dad is a long bit etc. She was happily playing with the carrot people while I cut up the other vegetables.
When I finished I noticed she had no carrots left. So I asked "where is everyone hiding?". She replied "they is hiding in my tummy!"

Wee race

I walked past my toddler sitting on the potty, intently reading a book. A few moments later she rushed up to me, very excited, and said "I've finished the wee! Yay! I won!"
I wonder what she thought she'd won?

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