Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Tastes good

I was looking at my roses, and they had aphids all over the new flower buds. I said "this is the problem with roses, they taste good".
My toddler piped up with:
"Tastes good in my mouth! Tastes good in Aisha's mouth too!"


My toddler brought the junk mail inside. She put it all on the table but a catalogue of "boobies" that she gave to me. It was a bra catalogue.
I'm breastfeeding, so my boobies are quite a point of conversation in this house :)

Telling the cat

My toddler went up to the cat this evening, pointed at her, and said in her best bossy voice
"You need to say 'meow' now".
The cat did not oblige.

Ate the family

I was julienning some carrots the other day and my toddler was demanding bits of carrot. Then she started naming them after people in the family, so I was giving her bits of carrot cut to size - she was a short bit of carrot, dad is a long bit etc. She was happily playing with the carrot people while I cut up the other vegetables.
When I finished I noticed she had no carrots left. So I asked "where is everyone hiding?". She replied "they is hiding in my tummy!"

Wee race

I walked past my toddler sitting on the potty, intently reading a book. A few moments later she rushed up to me, very excited, and said "I've finished the wee! Yay! I won!"
I wonder what she thought she'd won?

Swimming poo

Our 2.5yo is toilet training. This morning she came marching up to me with a potty with wee *and* poo in it, swirling it around, and announced "Look! Swimming poo!"

French kissing

I had the two girls (9 and 2) in the bath together. After the bath, the bigger one announces "She kept kissing me! She stuck her TONGUE in my mouth! And she wiggled it around like a WORM! And she KEPT DOING IT!"
The next day, the little one was doing her best to French kiss *me*. Argh!


After my wife’s grandmother died, we explained to our three-year-old that when we went to the funeral home, Grandma would be there, but it would just be her body. My daughter thought for a second and then asked, What about her head?

Not that girl

I was babysitting my four year old niece and she was in her room for time-out after breaking one of her mom’s antiques. After being in there for about 20 minutes, she came out wearing a different outfit, her mom’s high heels and she used a fake accent to tell me that "she wasn’t the girl who broke anything, she was a different girl and she didn’t want to be in that room anymore."

Fight the baby

Our friend has about 14wks of pregnancy to go, her little bloke (2yrs) was laying on her belly when the new bub elbowed him. He gets up, lines up with his little fist clenched, frowns at her belly and says "My punch you back!"