Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Wasn't me

My mates little boy is 2 years old.
He went into the kitchen one afternoon and we heard him moving a chair and being very quiet so we went to see what he was doing. He was standing at the sink pouring a whole bottle of fabric conditioner down the drain. Then he turned around and put the bottle down. My friend picked it up and asked him why it wasn't full.
"Daddy did it!" came the reply and he pointed out the kitchen window.
His dad doesnt live there and he hadn't been round for 4 days...

Graveyard shift

When my brother and I were growing up our step-father worked in a paper plant that had three shifts; morning, swings and graveyard. My brother thought that when he would have to work a swing-shift this meant that he was playing on some swings and when he worked graveyard he was actually working in a graveyard.


"But then I thought about it, and decided that I'm not ready for that yet! I'm only seven! So I gave the ring to my teacher and told him what happened and that I'm not ready to be married."
-- My daughter, telling me a story about a boy who gave her a "marriage ring" at school!

Watery water

My 7 year old said something which made me smile one day. I always get her a bottle of water on way to school, on way back home after school she was complaining
how her water tasted all watery.


Me and my mum and sister took my nephew, then aged 3 to the childrens' church service on Christmas Eve last year. Right in the middle of a prayer he wailed at the top of his voice "I need a pooooo!"

Car plumber

My son called the mechanic a "car plumber" one day. I guess because he was underneath the car like a plumber.

Crotch ego

I baby-sit for my neighbors' kids and one day I was taking care of their 4 year old son. I think we must have been watching cartoons and the word "ego" came up. So their son turned to me and said: "What's an ego? Is it this?"
And he pointed to his crotch...


I took my nephew upstairs to use the loo, and he said to me "Auntie Lizzy, do you have a winky?" and I said "No, because I am a girl" and he replied "Oh, so you have an udder like a cow then!"


My son was telling me about the good ol' days. We were in my parent's basement and I found a pair of pj pants from when he was a baby. I picked them up and told him that he used to fit in to those when he was just a little baby. He sat down beside me, put his head on my shoulder and became teary eyed and said "Yeah, Mommy, those were the good ol' days."

Wasn't me

My two year old has been pooping in the tub lately. When I asked her about the latest time she said "No" and pointed to the dog and "babble babble babble". She tried to blame the poor dog for the poop in the tub!!