Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!


My son has recently been obsessed with his bellybutton. Everytime he has a diaper change he immediately pokes his finger in it. He'll even lift up his shirt and bend over just to find it. However, he can't quite say bellybutton just yet. He calls it his...

Funny words

My daughter, when she was about 9, was asked to name parts of the body for homework once, the more obscure the better. So to encourage her to think about it too, my mum and I asked her to say certain words.
We suggested the medical word for skin, which is dermis. To get her to think we said, 'What do you call a thick person?' to which she replied, 'A der?'. We then asked, 'What do you call a lady that's not married?'
She said, 'A virgin?'
Ah, the innocence of youth!

Don't break my truck

My three-year-old was sitting at the table having breakfast.
My husband tripped over his fire truck riding toy, and Ethan promptly hops down from the chair and moves his truck from the middle of the floor to his toy room.
He then says, "I moved my fire truck out from the middle of the floor so you won't trip over it and fall down."
My husband replied, "Thank you, Ethan. That was so thoughtful of you."
Knowingly, I replied, "Were you concerened daddy might fall over?" Ethan said, "Yes. I dont want him falling on my truck and breaking it."


One of my foster kids got some bug bites playing outside. He said " now I look like a dalmation".


Me: What's this word here?
Boy in Class: Fyoomuns. You know...a fyoomuns.
Me: ???
Boy in Class: I spelled it.
Me: So I see, well is it some sort of club?
Boy in Class: no, I'm a fyoomun.
Me: oh?
Boy in Class: We all are fyoomuns.
Me: *slaps own forehead* You mean a HUMAN?
Boy in Class: Duh Miss!

Puppy parent

When we got a new puppy one day I came into the room where my son was playing with him. He was saying..."Now, son, you behave yourself!"

Love means no clothes

My daughter age 5, was watching Barbie and Ken and when they kissed in the movie she looked up and said to me, "Does he love her now?" and I said "aww yes of course he does" and she said "well why havn't they taken their clothes off then?" I was speechless.

Seeing Santa

I just met the cutest little girl in the shop! The line for the cash point had gotten so long it was touching the line for santa's grotto. A girl of about 5 years old turned to me, tugged on my trouser leg and said "Exchoose me, are you waiting to see santa?"

Aww, she loves me

My 11 year old was talking back to me, so I sent her to her room. My sister-in-law was there, and my 2 year old was sitting on her lap. My in-law asked her "Is Mommy gonna send you to your room too?" and my 2 year old said "No, she wuvs me."

Sore penis

My dad got remarried & had 3 more kids, when we were out at a restaurant the oldest (who is now taller than I will EVER be) had to use the bathroom so he said: My penis has a headache! (my step-mother figured she should teach him the proper name for body parts, I think she stopped with him!)