Stinky breath
A Listerine Pocket Packs commercial was on and when it was over, my son turned to me and said "I want that for my daddy." I said "Why?" and she answered "Cause his breath is stinky."
Funny things kids say
Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.
You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!
Baby bandaids
Earlier today I'd cut my toe open banging it into something. I'm a clutz sometimes. Anyway, I went and cleaned it off and put a bandaid on it before it bled all over my new sandals - the bandaids I found first were my daughter's Care Bear bandaids. I didn't think she had noticed until several hours later she was taking a bath and pointed out an "imaginary boo boo" and said, "Can you take my bandage off of your toe now so I can use it?" Just so wrong on many levels.
Work is optional
My 5 year old daughter told me that she didn't wanna go to school today, so I told her "I don't wanna go to work , but I have to". She said "no you don't, you're the mom, and if you don't want to you don't have to."
No underwear
My son is now 7. When he was 5 he was outside with his dad. Somehow a conversation started between my husband and another tenant from the building. She was really tall about 6 feet and was wearing a short skirt. My son is very friendly and ran up and was talking to her. She was talking to him and he went to hug her legs. My husband said our son got a strange look on his face and looked over at him. My husband asked him what was wrong and our son says "Daddy why isn't she wearing underwear?"
My husband said the girl went about 6 shades of red and quickly took off and he was trying not to laugh. I ran into her a couple of days later during a fire alarm and was wondering why she was pointing at my son and whispering to her friend.
Mouth farts
*burp* Oh 'scuse me; I farted in my mouth.
Look at my forehead!
My younger sister came home from school one day, obviously elated beyond belief about something. She was dancing and prancing around. When I asked her why she was so happy, she whispered excitedly, "I can do something no one else can do." I asked her what that was, and she exclaimed loudly, "I can look at my forehead!!!" She rolled her eyes to the back of her head and danced around, obviously proud of her new accomplishment.
fix the car
i was askin my niece if she knew how the car started (shes obsessed with them) and she said daddy just hits it and says useless piece of shite and it goes
this was in the middle of town on a packed day from a 3 year old
Flushing shrubbery
When my daughter was potty training, she was scared badly when an automatic flushing toilet flushed when she was on it. She got in the habit of asking me if a toilet (other than the ones at home) were going to flush by themselves.
We were out in the desert one day and she had to go. We went behind a bush and I dug her a little hole. As I was holding her up she asked, "Mommy is this one going to flush?"
Bedtime warning
So every night at bedtime, I always give my son a 10 minute heads up to let him know it's time to start winding down and cleaning up.
Last night was no different. Except, when he it came time for the 10 minutes to be up, he started whining and fussing. I told him, "I gave you your warning, now it's time for bedtime."
He looks at me and says "Mommy, can I give my warning back?"
G-string
From a 12 year-old, who soon understood the hilarity of what she was saying regarding her violin (in class!):
"I broke my g-string, and I'm getting another one, and Ms. Kelley is going to put it on so, 'til that happens, I can only finger it."