Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.


You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Look at my forehead!

My younger sister came home from school one day, obviously elated beyond belief about something. She was dancing and prancing around. When I asked her why she was so happy, she whispered excitedly, "I can do something no one else can do." I asked her what that was, and she exclaimed loudly, "I can look at my forehead!!!" She rolled her eyes to the back of her head and danced around, obviously proud of her new accomplishment.

fix the car

i was askin my niece if she knew how the car started (shes obsessed with them) and she said daddy just hits it and says useless piece of shite and it goes
this was in the middle of town on a packed day from a 3 year old

Flushing shrubbery

When my daughter was potty training, she was scared badly when an automatic flushing toilet flushed when she was on it. She got in the habit of asking me if a toilet (other than the ones at home) were going to flush by themselves.
We were out in the desert one day and she had to go. We went behind a bush and I dug her a little hole. As I was holding her up she asked, "Mommy is this one going to flush?"

Bedtime warning

So every night at bedtime, I always give my son a 10 minute heads up to let him know it's time to start winding down and cleaning up.
Last night was no different. Except, when he it came time for the 10 minutes to be up, he started whining and fussing. I told him, "I gave you your warning, now it's time for bedtime."
He looks at me and says "Mommy, can I give my warning back?"

G-string

From a 12 year-old, who soon understood the hilarity of what she was saying regarding her violin (in class!):
"I broke my g-string, and I'm getting another one, and Ms. Kelley is going to put it on so, 'til that happens, I can only finger it."

Heartbeep

My son put his head on my chest last night and promptly announced he could hear my heart beeping.

Biology lesson

My girlfriend once took her seven year old son to the market after school. Unbeknownst to her, they had a little biology lesson that day. The little boy sees a girl about his age in the market place, and says, "You have a lovely vulva!"

Difficult task

My son was dawdling getting dressed this morning. He kept telling me he "had to drive his cars to the garage!" (playing hotwheels). After about 10 minutes he finally had all his cars where he wanted them, and came over to me to get dressed. He looked me in the face and said...
"THERE! Was that so difficult?!?"

Windy

My mother has an house daycare. One day I was in the yard playing with the little kids. The wind was blowing hard. There are a lot of tall pine trees in my parents yard. A little boy looked up at the tall trees that were swaying in the wind, and said "the trees are making wind". I thought that was funny, yet somewhat...poetic.

Oprah opera

Ever since Christmas when my daughter sang a song opera style and made everyone laugh, she does it quite freqently. Earlier this week, she was singing a song opera style, and it had been going on for quite some time. I politely asked her to please stop singing because it was starting to give me a headache. "But MOM! I'm singing OPRAH!" she said.

Pages