Asleep yet?
Boy to younger brother one evening: "Tell me when you're asleep, ok?"
Funny things kids say
Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.
You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!
Young grandmother
Lady in store: Is that your son?
Me: No, this is my grandson.
Lady in store: Your grandson? You look too young to be a grandmother?
Me: Thank you.
Grandson: She’s not young. She’s 38.
Expensive money
When I told my daughter she could get a small toy but that the ones asked for were too expensive, she told me "Why don't you get some expensive money?"
Rubber pie
The other day when I was out with a friend and her child at this swanky restaurant, Jane (the little girl) ordered an apple dessert, which was the most attractive dish of that particular restaurant.
However, when she had a bite of the piece, she yelled loudly much to the embarrassment of the staff, "Mom, why does it look good but tastes like it’s made of rubber?" My friend was equally embarrassed however; the staff did give us a complimentary dish!
Sit down to pee
While witnessing her daddy sitting on the toilet to pee she very frankly said, “No daddy, you need to stand and hold your penis!”
Sleepy foot
I was at a friend’s place for tea and her child, Mark, wanted her to get up. His mom replied, "I can’t do so now son, as my foot has fallen asleep." Innocent Mark then rushed and played a song and asked her, "Mom, will it wake up now?" Mark sure is a laugh riot of sorts!
Close it up
While listening to her sister whine for something:
"Mom I have an idea! Why don’t you put a piece of candy in her mouth? It’ll close it all up! She won’t be ABLE to whine!"
Extinct animals
The other day we all were having an interesting conversation over lunch and my friend who is an animal activist was speaking animatedly about this issue. As she sat arguing with another group member, her kid quipped in between saying, "Mom, humans should never be allowed to shoot extinct animals!"
What's your job?
M: I want to go upstairs to mommy's office.
A: Your mommy is working.
M: At her job?
A: Yup.
M: Daddy goes out to work at his job.
A: Yes, he does.
M: A...What is your job?
Broked
After coming home from my parents house with messy hair:
Mom: What happened to your hair?!
Daughter: *big sigh* Grandma broked it.