Telling the wrong story
While reading a book, but telling the wrong story:
Mom: ... that’s about little hoot wanting to go to bed EARLY, not about -
Daughter: *cuts me off exasperated* Well I don’t know how to read!! What do you expect?!
Funny things kids say
Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.
You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!
Sex: the movie
My husband and I had just picked up my stepson and somehow we were talking about sex, quietly and in a mature manner, and I turned around and asked my stepson if he knew anything about sex, and without any hesitation says, "No, I haven’t seen that movie yet!"
Old but not dead
Following an explanation of why the father's grandparents weren't around anymore:
"Well you're old, and you're not dead."
Smells like ...
Mom: “Son, did you know that Uncle is a doctor?”
Son leans in to sniff Uncle.
Son, with an incredulous look: “But he doesn’t smell like one!”
The problem with chain stores
Me: I think we should try to find a bookstore.
L: I know a bookstore that we'll all really like.
Me: Do you know what's it's called?
L: No, but I know exactly where it is.
Me: Great! Where?
L: Right next to Starbucks.
Watch me!
Just before a ballet performance:
Me: I have my camera ready.
Her: I don't want you to take pictures of me. I want you to watch me.
Cute
Why was I born so cute?
Hurry up and die already
Upon noticing the flowers in the cemetary: "I wish someone we knew would die so we could leave them flowers."
Yellow teeth
While checking out at a store, my son told the cashier:
"You have such pretty yellow teeth"
I was like, omg! Thank God she appeared to not speak English well enough to have caught what he said.......
I remember telling my camp counsellor once that her skin was so pretty because it was shiny.
Married
Son: Mommy, we’re married, you and me, were married.
Mom: Oh, really? Well what do we do about daddy?
Son: Oh, we just throw him in the trash, he’s no good anymore!