Funny things kids say

Here is the full list of funny quotes. These sayings come from the kids at my local school, reader submissions and aggregated from all over the Internet. I'm hoping to make this one of the largest collections of funny kid's sayings around.

You can also add your own sayings, or view 5 random funny quotes!

Milk comes from ...

Yesterday we went to the fair and she was loving this cow and talking to it and mooing at it, and there was a guy standing nearby who said, "She's going to be milked in about 15 minutes over there if you want to come watch."
So after we had looked at a few more animals we went and watched the milking demonstration. It was fascinating, he didn't do it by hand he had a trailer with a professional type hook-up and he talked about how they do it at the big dairies. But anyway, the demonstration got all done and we were leaving and I said to her, "Now you know where milk comes from."
She replied, "Yes, from cow's butt."

Foot in hand

My son was just sitting next to me, scratching his head with his foot, but holding his foot in his hand.
Me: Why are you scratching your head with your foot?
Son: Because it itches.
Me: But why are you using your foot?
Son: Because my head itches!
Me: Why your foot and not your hand?
Son: I can't use my hand.
Me: Why not?
Son: Because my foot is in it and it's full!

Bad gate

Daughter, whining, speaking of the baby gate on our bedroom door: Mommmyyyyy! Open the door!
Me, smiling: No! I don't want you to come in my bedroom right now.
Daughter: I don't like this gate one bit. You need to take it back to the gate store!

Walkie-talkie hug

Yesterday's Moment of Extreme Cuteness: One of the kids in my apartment complex (age 6) came over to tell me that he was going out of town with his aunt for three days. He was carrying a pair of walkie-talkies. I asked him a few questions about the trip, then ask if he wants a goodbye hug. His response was to hand me a walkie-talkie, step back five feet, and whisper "yes" into his. And then run back over for the hug.

Boy name

My boyfriends younger sister and step-sisters go to day camp, they started a new camp today.
Me: Did you make any friends at camp today?
Evie: I made some friends and some bad guys
Me: What are your friends named?
Evie: Nora (her twin sister), Lena... Rose. And maybe more.
Me: Very cool, they sound nice.
Evie: James is a bad mean girl. She's a bad guy.
Me: Oh yeah? Why?
Evie: She's got a boy name.


We had the school disco last Friday, afterwards my daughter informed me that it wasn't really a disco.
Her: I liked the disco but it wasn't really a disco.
Me: What was it?
Her: It was a dance.
Me: I don't think there's much difference.
Her: There's cool dancing at a disco, but they had us doing the chicken dance, that's not cool.
She's got a point there.

Degrees of fun

Niece: (Points to cake on table) You really shouldn't leave chocolate cake just laying around where i can see it. I'm going to steal it and stick my fingers in it when nobody is looking.
My mom takes the cake and puts it in a different room.
Niece: I saw what room Grandma put the cake in. Now I can go stick my fingers in it and eat some.
Me: Well couldn't you just wait until after dinner and then have a whole big piece of cake and then you wouldn't even get in trouble for it?
Niece: (Big sigh) I guess so. But thinking about stealing some cake is this fun (holds arms wide apart), and thinking about having a piece of cake after dinner is this fun. (holds fingers apart a tiny bit)

Makes you tired

The other night Ben did not want to go to sleep. I told him that this was fine, he could play quietly in his room instead. He said "I am not tired! I am going to play all night long!" Long pause. "I will be tired in the morning!"

See-through dress

It is very hot here (well, hot for where we live) and we have no air conditioning. Tonight, my girls really wanted me to perform a song for their dad with them. We had just come back from the pool, and I had taken off my suit and just put on a very light sundress with nothing underneath, since I was so miserably hot. I agreed to do the song with them and jokingly said, "Am I dressed appropriately?" to which my daughter quickly replied, "As long as you don't show your vagina."
I went and put on some underwear, just in case.

Boss of me

Son: Mommy? I want to be a boss kid when I get bigger.
Me: Oh yeah? What do you want to be the boss of?
Son: Of the whole world!
Me: ...
Son: Well, you and dada can still be the bosses with me.